It is said that man came first, so he is automatically the king of the jungle, the head of the home, the stoic picture of what stability ought to be. When he doesn’t get his way, he is not expected to fall on his bed, bury his head in his pillow and cry. When he’s watching Titanic and the tears pool up in his eyes, he is expected to mutter ‘this movie sucks!’ and leave the sitting room. When a strange person of the opposite sex in a bus tries to engage him in a war of words of ugly bantering, cussing and insulting, he’s expected to be the bigger guy, totally ignore her and contain the insults for as long as the journey lasts or else he would be scolded for talking like a woman. When a fellow man beats the hell out of him, he does not dwell on it; he is expected to lie, telling everyone some touts robbed him and beat him senseless.
And I thought we were the ones with issues. Isn’t it easier being a woman? A woman can be a total nagging bitch in public and will hardly have anyone bothering about her. She can cry from now till tomorrow if her hair is messed up at the salon or if her husband consumes the last piece of her wedding cake, and she will get a shoulder or two on her side. She can throw a tantrum any day, anytime, anywhere, for absolutely no reason and get away with it just because she is the fairer sex.
But what happens when a man tries to do the same? He is, without human intervention, automatically branded a woman! He drives badly, he’s a woman. He talks a lot, he’s a woman. He is sad and depressed, he’s a woman. He doesn’t fight back, he’s a woman… I think you get the idea. Everything a man does that basically degrades him is a sign that he’s a woman and therefore less than a man. His position, as the world has ordained, is always on top and there, he has no rivalry. M.I. says it best in his song Beef “The Super Eagles don’t play against the Falcons”
However, just the other day, I saw a guy break down and cry like a little baby and frankly, it was not an unpleasant sight. Had it not been for the circumstances that led to his breakdown, I would have thought it very sexy. I did not think any less of him but on the other hand, I think he felt he had messed up showing me his vulnerable side. I totally understood. That is the way it is. A man doesn’t give into his emotions; he doesn’t show his soft side. He just swallows everything in and faces whatever life brings him with a rock solid approach.
So the big question today is, when is a man allowed to cry in the open? I know they do it secretly when no one is watching but when really is it okay for a man to just let go, not caring who is watching? Below, I listed a few suitable times when a man is allowed to cry without getting being labeled as a woman.
1. When He Loses A Loved One
There is nothing masculine about not crying when someone you love dies. People grieve differently but everyone should cry at some point when they face loss.
2. When He Says ‘I do’
Yes, a man is allowed to shed a tear or two at the altar. After all, that is one of the happiest days of his life. Well unless, he’s crying because he just realized he’s trapped forever.
3. When His Baby Is Being Born.
The coming of a newborn is the most beautiful event ever. If you have not experienced it as a man, I suggest you do. Chances are you bolt right out of the door but if you man up, you will realize that it is one of the most humbling times in a man’s life.
4. When He Spends Time With God.
Some people come to God all serious and get very firm with their requests but there are times as a man, you just have to let your hair down, pour out your heart and cry before the other He in your life.
5. When He Catches His Wife Cheating
Some men say they can never cry for a woman but when a man loves a woman, he holds nothing back. He may not be all giggly and excited like his female counterpart but it doesn’t mean he loves less. Since a man is not wired to be expressively emotional, he does not have the natural self-soothing system a woman has developed along the years that has helped her cope with her seemingly fragile personality and that is why when he is heartbroken, everything about him comes crumbling down, even his very massive male ego.
A study revealed heartbroken men take four weeks to change their Facebook status following a break-up – while women do so almost straight away. The majority of men – 63 percent ‘prolong the misery’ of updating their profile from ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘Single’ for a month or more, eight percent fail to do so at all. If and when they do, only a third admits if they were dumped – and even fewer – 15 percent – reveal the reasons why.
During my research on this topic, I discovered a hidden part of men, a different face that solidified my admiration for them. What a load they have to carry! I would like to give them two thumbs up but sometimes, as you’ll come to find out from the two true life incidences below, they really deserve to be treated like the wailing babies they sometimes are.
More reasons a man is allowed to cry in the open:
6. When A Woman Gives Him A Good Beating
Mr. and Mrs. Dexter (actual names withheld) are married with three kids. Mr. Dexter is a man’s man. I mean, you can’t get more manly that him. He hangs with the guys, drinks like the guys, screws around like the guys, spends money like the guys and would probably die like the guys but his nemesis is Mrs. Dexter. It doesn’t matter whether he is the king of the jungle outside his home, when he gets home, he has to deal with whatever she’s dishing him. Upon entering through the front door, the following words meet him:
“Mr. Dexter, is this the time you’re coming back? You are * %&*#$^**&%^#$!!!”
He replies, “Mrs. Dexter. Leave me the f^#k alone! You are a fish brained *@#$##$###!!!”.
And this goes on and on and on until he hits her face and afterward gives her a good beating. The next morning, he is out the door to run the race of the manly rats and comes home at night to repeat the same madness. He chooses to ignore the fact that his children shy away from him in sheer terror, telling himself that the king of the jungle should instill fear in all the smaller creatures. He is so caught up in his manliness that he doesn’t notice when Mrs. Dexter begins to change. Maybe it’s the combo of eba and fufu she’s been consuming but she grows stronger and he weakens by the day. One day, like every other, Mrs. Dexter wakes up and feels she has had enough. She consumes a full bottle of wine as much as she can contain. Then, she sits and waits for him. He comes in as usual, ready for war but the first slap he throws her, has her landing him a bottle of wine on his hand. Then she aims the bottle’s broken neck towards his chest. But he’s weakened already, dazed from the sudden attack and very afraid for his life. Mrs. Dexter, however doesn’t end here. Fueled by her new sense of power, she turns around and gives Mr. Dexter the beating of his life in front of his children. He can’t scream or shout because he does not want the neighbors coming in to find him being humiliated, so he lets her spend herself because he just discovered that all her years of staying home, taking care of the children and working her ass off like a donkey has made her bigger and stronger than he. Finally with the kids pleading for his life, she lets him go and he crawls outside and cries all night like the baby he’s always been, knowing his short reign has finally come to an end. These days I hear he goes about with a scar on his hand and a subdued look on his face.
7. When A Man Is Emasculated
Okon (not real name, as featured on Newsline) is a poor tenant who falls in love lust with his landlady’s daughter, Miss. Landlady. They are the perfect couple and anywhere Okon goes, Miss. Landlady is sure to follow. To Okon, this is the just what the doctor ordered—free sex, free food and a free house. He is in heaven, well, until he discovers there are other female tenants whose properties, so to speak, are worth moving into. So he begins to sneak them in at night for private house warming parties. He is having the time of his life, eating his cake and having it. But not all shindigs last forever. Miss Landlady eventually catches the hapless Okon in bed with one of the girls and it is big drama as her mother, the queen of all angry mothers whose daughters have been cheated on, comes into the whole scene. Now, this woman has long, sharp claws that can rip the heart out of any man. But it is not Okon’s heart she goes for because she believes Okon hasn’t got one. She goes for his balls which he obviously has in excess and rips it out of him in front of tenants and neighbors alike, lifts it to the air like a trophy and dares any man to come try her. She is not even fazed when the police and Newsline crew show up. She insists Okon deserves what he gets.
The voice of Okon wailing in pain can be heard miles away. As he is rushed to the hospital, he reveals that the cause of his tears is not the pain in his groin area but the fact that his jewels are forever done with.
And finally, the last three times a man is allowed to cry in public.
8. When he’s Prezzo and he’s doing it to win female votes at the Big Brother Star Game.
9. When He’s Mark Damascus, Damasus, Dacascos, an assassin who sheds tears after he kills his target in a movie called Crying Freeman.
10. When he’s Balotelli and he loses to Spain.
Or when he’s Buhari, losing to Goodluck. Or when he’s Chris Brown doing a tribute to Michael Jackson but really crying because he wants the world to forgive him for hitting Rihanna. You get my point by now.
One of my favorite poets, Carl Sandburg said, “Life is like an onion; you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.”
So, to sum it up, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man expressing his emotions. Sometimes crying lets all the bad out but remember that just because she calls you ‘baby’, doesn’t mean you have to be one.