Na Fine Boy I Go Chop? [Test-The-Terone]

First Published on Manswers

Black-Tie-6001-300x163I like fine guys, don’t let the title fool you. Who doesn’t like the finer things in life? We all do. And that is why men invest all their time, money and effort to ensure that they get the fine cars, fine houses and even fine women. Women can put their effort into such too but when it comes to the choice of finding the better half, they couldn’t care less if he fell from a tree of baboons and orangutans, as long as he’s capable.

Before I go on, let me define a fine boy.

  1. A monkey.
  2. A guy who has good looks or is handsome, both facially and body-wise.
  3. A guy who is stuck-up on his looks or physical attributes and believes everyone should notice him.
  4. A guy who is not so fine but exhibits the characteristics of all three above. In this aspect, his case is even worse.

Now, I’m a writer and when I write romance stories, I sometimes like my characters to be good-looking because it is easier to put a picture of a good-looking couple in people’s minds but often times I try not describe how they look so the reader can form their own picture in their heads. Such times, I delve deeper to bring out the personality of the character rather than concentrate on the looks alone because filling my pages with fine faces will never sell anything. Same thing goes for women. They like to ogle at the handsome guys with tight bods when they pass by and might even go as far as dating them for the short term but if he’s fine John with no character or cheese, he’s getting the boot.

Women today are no longer in the era when they are told to shelve aside their outward appearance and concentrate only on the inward. They are in a world where the type of hair, the intensity of the foundation, the lipstick shade, the dress fitting and the height of the heels are not to be toyed with. A smart woman knows she has to dress like a queen always and will take her time perfecting what people see first when they meet her. Some people call this superficial or shallow but it is known fact that most men would go for the superficial and shallow than the one who dresses like she is going for a funeral. However, it is not the same with women when it comes to choosing a guy. Yes, they do appreciate a man looking good, but they are not particularly interested in his looks as they are in his success or power.

Women are hardwired to fall in love with rulers, CEOs, investors, religious leaders and so on and it has nothing to do with money. Let me repeat. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY. She just wants a man that is capable. Not all men are or can be leaders but they have been naturally imbibed with qualities to lead and that’s why, a good woman when she meets a man for the first time, sizes him up for the future. If she likes the guy that first day, believe me, she has walked down the aisle with him and has had kids and has sat down in the front porch of their home whilst watching their grandkids play – all in her mind that first day! A typical guy might just be interested in the now and ready to go along with what comes but a woman wants to know if a man has plans for the future. Why waste her time with someone who won’t be there tomorrow?

It is known fact that many beautiful women settle for average to ugly looking guys, leaving the fine face, rock hard abs, the rugged jawline, tight biceps guys in the cold. And this is the reason: the fine boys have this stupid mentality that women who go for ugly men are only doing it because of the money. Now anyone who thinks like this will screw up many of his chances to have such beautiful women. Fine boys, quite frankly, irritate me – and a whole lot of women too, and that’s because they get so deceived by their fineness that they think their looks alone are enough to make a girl want them.

Recently, some stupid magazine went and told Iyanya that he is the sexiest man alive (vomit!) and since then the guy has been walking around, thinking he is God’s only gift to women. If you know him personally, please tell him he’s not all that and that it’s probably his celeb status that is reeling in all the cuties. He should just try and give up his singing and take a regular job like the rest of us and he will see that ‘ugly’ is not Whoopi Goldberg’s middle name nor is it an undiscovered planet in our solar system. Okay, just had to get that out. But my point is fine boys live an illusion and because they do, they are blind where most men have 20/20 vision.

Below, I’m going to state some of the mistakes fine boys make in an attempt to save them from themselves because somebody just has to tell them. Okay, maybe you’re not one of them but somehow you find yourself exhibiting those traits (especially if you have money), then you’re worse off and you need schooling. So, allow me educate you.

1.       Fine boys don’t go hunting

Yes, they believe the game should land at their doorstep. While real men face the world to hunt and gather, fine boys baff up and walk round the block or around shoprite, giving their best GQ poses in hopes of getting some hottie. *sigh* just go do a photo shoot instead because you’ll only end up with the game the hunters have rejected. At least with a budding career in posing as a fine boy under lights and camera, the girls might be attracted to your success.

2.       Fine boys are blind

Apart from the fact that they get blurry eyes from staring into the mirror for too long, their vision has been trained to notice only perfected and superior things. They believe every hot girl is naturally hot and so they avoid the ones that are not up their scale. Ugly guys don’t do that; they go for potential. They aim for average women with the potential to shine. Most women have been hurt before and carry the pain on their shoulders and this ultimately affects their beauty, grace and confidence. Ugly men are on the look for such normal girls and when they get them, they upgrade them with love and attention because they know that when a woman is loved the way she ought to be, her beauty and sexiness blossom.

3.       Fine boys don’t have game

Game to these dudes is about looking cute, showing their rock hard abs and using taglines like ‘I know you want me.’ Brother, pulizz get a life. An ugly man has got nothing but game to help him in his hunt for a partner. He knows his looks cannot score him squat, so he concentrates on other attributes and without difficulty displays that he can easily reel a woman in. He sugar-coats his tongue when he talks to her, he always keeps her on her toes, he showers her with all the attention she needs and makes being with him one big adventure with twists and turns at every corner. And because he knows that women also seek stability, he doesn’t forget to assure her that he is completely reliable emotionally, financially and otherwise.

 4.       Fine boys don’t respect fine women

That’s just the plain truth. To them, beautiful women are trophies they display to all who care to notice. A fine woman gets it the toughest when finding love. Most guys are just interested in sleeping with her and adding her on their list of ‘been there, done that’. Because many inept men are intimidated by the attention their beautiful women are getting, they treat them like trash and that is why you find so many fine boys settling for ugly girls. They simply cannot handle the fact that the woman is getting more attention than them. But an ugly man is not afraid of going for a beautiful woman because he knows what hell she goes through with men and all she’s looking for is someone who would love her as she is and see that there is more to her than her physical attributes. Good example is Jay Z and his Beyonce. When all guys were seeing her booty, he was seeing her talent. How about Ojukwu and Bianca? And they said she loved him to his dying breath even though he was old enough to be her father. Note: she didn’t care about his age; she was attracted to his power.

If you noticed my use of words, I particularly referred to these unsavory fine characters as ‘boys’ and not men. Like most of my articles, this is just a generalization. I have met fine men of character and quality and at their level in life, the word ‘fine’ has got nothing to do with the looks. You sit with them and you hardly notice their appearance because it’s all about sophistication, strength, distinction, decorum and respect. The same way I have met ugly men and have been blown away by the qualities they exuded and totally forgot that I once called them ugly.

It’s a music video out there, people, and today, I see a lot of fine boys who are a lot more interested in what they wear and how they wear it and totally neglect that there is a lot more in being a man than in looks. Such egotistic, airheaded behavior usually doesn’t get them the girls or they end up having girls who use and dump them. In the end they start giving wisecracks on Facebook and Twitter about girls like they know anything. Well, here’s one for you, brother: while you’re hung up on how useless all girls are, your mates are out there scoring like Messi. If you take time enough away from the mirror or your ex-girlfriend’s skinny jeans and go a-hunting, you will not only catch the early bird but may even nab the goose gander that lays the golden eggs (again, Jay Z and Beyonce).

One last lesson from the Bible. Absalom was said to be the most beautiful human being in all of Israel at some point and was constantly praised for his good looks. Definitely it got to his head. Read this excerpt:

“From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. And when he cut the hair of his head—at the end of every year he cut it because it was heavy on him—when he cut it, he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels (2.3 kilograms)…”

The story goes on to say he committed treason by trying to displace his father, the famous King David. He took over the throne when his father retreated to avoid war, slept with ten of his father’s concubines in the presence of all Israel and finally went into full blown war with him. And who knows, he might have been pardoned if his hair did not kill him. Riding on his donkey, his beautiful hair got caught in thick branches of an oak tree and his donkey galloped away and left him. Hanging in midair, the commander of David’s army plunged three spears into his heart and ten others also struck him and killed him.

LESSON: don’t let your fineness kill you.

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6 Comments

  1. And dis entry got me reeling like a mad man! Just couldn’t stop myself. A lot of truth in what was written here. However, I would have loved to see how the issue of money was tackled. ‘cos when it comes right down to it, dt is still wah we are talking about. Maybe not in loads, but enuf to take care (more than adequately) for all the needs of the women (foolish and otherwise). Unless, *capable* means something else I am not catching quickly on to *wink wink*

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    • I intentionally left out money becos it takes more than that to reel a woman in. But just like u noted, capable encompasses all. Thanks, Shai

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