Fish Brain Clan (13) Amaka


I made sure I shifted my chair far away from James and used my left hand to block my face. I didn’t want to see or hear him.

How dare he crash my counseling session with Pastor Ishi? So he is following me everywhere now?

I told Pastor Ishi I wanted to meet with him to unburden but the truth was I wanted to report James to him. Was it a bad thing I did to protect Eric from Watzhername by setting the dogs on her? Why did James have to give me hard time over it? Good thing I refused to speak to him for days.

“Maxy, it’s not that bad nau. Sit close to your man,” said Pastor Ishi and I shook my head. He laughed. “So what’s the problem? Why are you angry like this, my dear?”

“I’m not the one you should be asking. Ask him why he’s here.”

“Oga Haliru, Amaka wants to know why you’re here.”

Trust James; he didn’t waste any time. “I think this girl here needs to take a break from this relationship.”

My mouth almost fell down.

“I have a feeling she’s tired of us. Ever since she got back from the States, she’s this whole new person and I will tell you why. In her words, she ‘chanced’ upon her ex at the airport…”

“In my words? He works there. Go to Murtala and see him there now.”

“Maxy, what ex is this?” Pastor Ishi asked.

“Who else but Adedoyin?” James answered.

“Interesting,” Pastor Ishi mumbled.

“Pastor Ishi, there’s nothing between Doyin and I o, just harmless texting and DMs on Twitter. Sometimes he’s in my mentions and James sees all that. There’s nothing there, at all.”

“See her cheeks? She blushed when she mentioned his name.”

“I did not.”

“Ishi, I blame you. You sent her to discover herself and she went there and discovered Doyin and a sharp mouth which she uses to snap at me like she’s always on her period or something. I thought it was my dressing, that I was too old for her, so I changed my entire wardrobe.”

“To start wearing jeans and t-shirts to the office?” I attacked him.

“I am the boss; I can wear whatever. And do small boys like Doyin wear Armani and Lacoste?”

“Who wants you to dress like a small boy?” I lashed.

Pastor Ishi laughed and pushed his chair back. “You guys are not even married and you’re already doing this? I’m so glad I don’t handle married couples. I for don die.”

James pointed at me with his thumb. “See how she dresses? Her clothes are getting shorter and tighter.”

I looked at what I was wearing. It was aiite. I was all Amaka without the Mary. Who wants to be dressing like a funeral?

“And she still goes out all Thursdays through Saturdays on her girls’ night out with Fiyin and Kyenpia…”

“Kyenpia?” Pastor Ishi asked. “My Kyenpia?”

James nodded and I wanted to twist his mouth. King of amebo[1].

“Kyenpia still goes out clubbing?” Pastor Ishi pressed.

“Not always,” I told him. Kyenpia was my best friend whenever her work allowed her. Pastor Ishi had a massive crush on her but she put him in the best friend zone for years.

“Then all she cares about is Eric,” James continued his report. “To Amaka, as long as Eric’s in that room, I’m not there.”

I bit back. “You know what’s worrying James, Pastor Ishi? He’s horny.”

Pastor Ishi pointed to a poster on his wall that read: “NO PILLOW TALK HERE. THE BED IS OFF LIMITS TOO.”

“So, what’s your problem with James, Amaka? I’m all ears.”

I heaved. To me, the whole meeting was wash. All I saw was two friends ganging up on me and if I knew James well, he wasn’t even angry. He was up to something really fishy; I was yet to find out what. Anyway, I was ready for whatever they had up their sleeves because I was mad as hell.

“James is angry at me for setting the dogs on Watzhername…”

“Onagite,” Pastor Ishi corrected.

“As you already know, there was big kasala[2] that involved James, his momsie and Watzhername’s brother. And I was in the middle of it. Mama Haliru wanted me out of James’ life for good, the other one wanted me in jail for attempting to murder his sister, and instead of Oga Haliru here to defend me, he made me feel like a wicked person. And he hasn’t apologized yet, considering I was protecting his son.”

“Onagite will walk around with a limp all her life,” James broadcasted.

So she still has legs.

“Do you know what that will do to her?”

Reduce her market value? Too bad the dogs didn’t chew her lady parts.

“See, James, if you’re pitying her, go and marry her and leave me the hell alone! We’re not tied to each other. After all, she’s the mother of your child! You never told me she was pregnant. I found out only when I saw her with her big stomach chasing you up and down. If you love someone, Jamie, don’t you think such news is important to the person’s ears? And talk about double standards! When we were still having sex, you kept on insisting that I should not get pregnant but you go and knock her up? Is that how much you loved her, how much you wanted to be with her? Was I just some flesh to you because you were my first?”

“And that information, I didn’t need to know,” Pastor Ishi murmured.

“Jamie, we were together three good years and you never proposed to me but you date Watzher-freaking-name for just eight months and pop the question?”

“Amaka…” Pastor Ishi said in a calming tone but I was just started. Someone had gone and blown a fuse in my head.

“But I took it all in, cried my tears and nursed my broken heart jejely[3] and when I thought it was all over, you showed up again with your charms and diamond ring, using my sisters to have your way – again! And stupid Amaka! I fell for everything! Then to top it all, Eric is thrown into the mix…”

“And you ran to New York,” James said snidely.

“I left because I needed time away from you because I swear to God, I wanted to cut off your balls and feed them to your dogs!”

The anger in my voice and eyes chilled James and his look showed he was somewhat sorry, but nothing moved him that easily. He had scales for skin. I waited for him to bite back but he didn’t. I had more to say but Pastor Ishi was already looking at me like I was mad, so I shut my mouth and the office became silent.

“Maxy, are you done?” Pastor Ishi asked and I murmured something.

“James?” Pastor Ishi called.

“I’m good,” James replied.

“Okay, so…here’s what I think the problem is, and correct me if I’m wrong. Amaka, when I told you to take time off for yourself, it was to get you to prioritize your life. To sit and consider what takes top precedence so that you can work towards achieving or maintaining it. If I’m to go by James’ complains, you’re still shying away from what I asked you to do. You’re this sparkly, happy-go-lucky girl, you like to have a lot of fun and you easily get bored and it’s not bad but time comes when the party ends and everyone goes home. The question is are you still on the dance floor or are you home to rest your feet?”

I looked at James but he was on his phone.

“Maxy, I’m very concerned about your fear of losing your freedom too early in life. That fear can push you to do things you might regret. And I understand, my dear, it’s hard. Suddenly, you’re a stay at home mom with an overbearing mother-in-law—sorry James—and a man who hardly has time for you. You think your youth is fading away fast and you take it out on James by digging up bygones, skeletons from the past (including Doyin), and therefore, complicating simple problems. It’s not supposed to be like that, my dear.”

This Pastor Ishi can melt somebody ehn! His voice was like cold water to my body. I right away calmed down and started agreeing to what he was saying. He turned to Oga Haliru.

“And James, you need to shove all the stress of work and clear your head to make tough decisions about your life entirely and where your mother, Onagite and Eric stand in regards to your relationship with Amaka.”

Pastor Ishi took off his glasses and looked into them before leaving them on the table. “So, here’s what I’ll prescribe. James, take a week off, travel and breathe some good air… and Amaka, your sentence would be to take a week off James.”

What was he talking about? A week off James? And see how he even said it with ease.

“Why?” I frowned.

“I have an assignment for you– for just one week. Meet new people, go out on harmless dates, enjoy being toasted once more.”

Which kain R&B am I listening to here? Can this be the pastor I know? And what is Oga Haliru saying to this?

“Stop looking at me, Maxy,” he murmured.

“Amaka,” Pastor Ishi called, “do you agree to my suggestion?”

I looked at James again and back at Pastor Ishi and saw a look pass between them. It was a trap. What game were they playing?

“Just harmless dates with the opposite sex and also you should meet different people outside your cycle. This Lagos lifestyle has boxed you up and your thinking and behavior is beginning to narrow a little.” Pastor Ishi pressed. “In fact, I have just the right person to help you kick off your one week adventure. What do you say?”

“As long as he has a toned torso, she’ll say yes,” James said and I eyed him the third time. He was thumbing his phone like he had not just spoken and I was convinced more than ever that there was something up his sleeves.

Oh ye gods, deliver me from a naughty fiancé.

“Pastor Ishi,” I stood up, “I don’t know what type of game two of you are playing here but I’m not finding it funny. I’m going home.”

Before they could call me back, I left the office and started out of the church. As I neared the gate, I heard James call. I walked on and stopped outside, beside his car. When he came to me, I dug my hand into his pocket and took out his car key.

“You will walk home this evening!”

I got into the car and slammed the door. He walked to the passenger side and got in beside me.

“Shey you want to play with my heart?!” I boiled. “You think everything is a joke, abi?!”

He said nothing, just stared at me, deep into my eyes for a long time until I calmed. He leaned over.

“You’re so cute when you’re angry.”

I pushed him away but he held my face and kissed me forcefully.

“Leave me!” Tears came to my eyes and I choked up. He smiled and took off my engagement ring.

“My flight is leaving this evening and I’ll be away for a week.”

“Away? To where?”

He opened the glove compartment and took out a plane ticket.

“Jamie, where are you going?”

He kissed me a second time. This time he was gentler and I didn’t stop him. All my shakara flew out the window.

“Wherever you’re going, don’t go. Please, stay,” I begged.

“You’ll be fine.” He stopped my tears before they fell. “Just have fun, boobsy and don’t hold back on my account. God knows I won’t.”

Pastor Ishi walked past us and went to his car.

“I love you.” He kissed my hand and stepped out of the car.


As I watched him walked to Pastor Ishi’s car, I opened my mouth to talk so many times but words just ran away. My thoughts were all over the place.

Which kain madness and temptation be dis one? What did he mean by he wouldn’t hold back on my account? Is he going to cheat on me? And where on earth is he going?

*             *             *             *             *             *             *             *

Rainy Saturday evening, no light, chilling at home with my sisters and dashing them some of my old and unused. I tried my best not to worry about James since he said he was going to be fine, but to be honest, I was on the verge of breaking down. So far, it had been a day since he left and so far, his phone had been switched off. Occasionally he would ping, saying. “I’m ok.”

Unanswered questions scattered my brain and I didn’t even have the voice of Pastor Ishi to calm me. That one too had disappeared. I was very upset. Maybe James wanted out of the relationship and didn’t know how to tell me. Maybe he was mad that I stayed away in Yankee for four months and he wanted to pay me back in my own coin. Maybe he was suffering from cancer and was secretly treating himself. Maybe he had another Watzhername in another area code and they were making another Eric.

I sighed and started thinking about what I was going to do for him on my twenty-eighth birthday. It was all part of my journey to become selfless, to give instead of receiving. “Loving wives don’t suck their husbands dry,” said Pastor Ishi. If only he could see the humongous straw in my hand.

Lately, James had been acting all strange. I was suspecting an early midlife crisis. If not, what will make him repaint his house, change his entire wardrobe, start going to the gym regularly and start talking about going on adventures? I had explained to him, “James, Nigerians don’t go on adventures. Our life here is one hopeless adventure.” And he answered, “if you’re not coming with me, that one concern you.” So I let it be and started planning something special for him on my twenty-eighth. I needed to remind him about us, about our past and how we met, how far we had gone, and how it used to be fun in those days before Watzhername came with her private part and scattered everything.

“Aunty Amaka, dash me dis one nau? It can fit me.”

I glanced at our lastborn and gave her a nice knock on her head as I caught her small, fat hands in the air lifting my swimsuit.

“My friend, gaan sleep before I knock you another one.”

“But Aunty Amaka,” she pouted, “ya dashing dem Aunty Bella everything in your woodrope.”

I looked at the girl and shook my head. She was just an old soul. After my popsie and his wife had hopelessly produced three girls, they gave up trying for a boy entirely but Odimma came as God’s last laugh (as if he wasn’t laughing since). At this point, all their good genes had dried out and Popsie was old, so Odimma came out as a leftover with big Igbo nose, a man’s voice and fat genes. I was told popsie had one look at her, sighed and said: “Odimma,” which simply means “it is well.” My stepmother proceeded to name her that but the irony was that the moment Odimma was born, things never went well for them. Popsie secretly started an affair with my momsie and well… who cares about their gist sef? Back to Odimma, fondly called Orobo.

“Woodrope, abi?” I asked the cute, little bugger. “And your parents are paying two hundred thousand for school fees.”

“Aunty Bella say that even if I fail maths, I should try and slim down so that I can marry a maga like Uncle James.”

My mouth dropped open as I turned to my younger sister, Bella, who was busy rummaging through my wardrobe for clothes.


She poked her head out and smirked. She never really had respect for me because I was only nine months older.

“Is it not true?” she put her hand on her waist, there was jealousy in her tone. “With all your chartered financial accountant thingy, you’ll end up being a housewife because you’re marrying a maga.”

“Shh!” I covered her mouth. “don’t let Daddy hear that I got that certificate abeg. He’ll call James and increase my bride price.”

“Okay.” She shrugged and lifted a flowery blue dress I had not seen in years. “Pretty please, sister dearest, may I have this one?”

I stared at the dress and it took me to a place, five years ago…




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It was one of those exclusive bar and karaoke joints somewhere in Lekki that could easily pass for someone’s house. Fiyin met this guy she really liked and he invited her for a drink but she also invited Kyenpia and I to accompany her because she needed to shove him in our faces with nonsense PDA. I didn’t want to go but Kyenpia dragged me. Just like me, she had also just gotten out of a useless relationship and needed time out of her busy schedule to have a girls’ night out. The plan was to abandon Fiyin with her date and enjoy ourselves but when we got into the place, I was immediately ambushed by a guy who was very drunk and looked like an overgrown bush baby who needed to be kept in a small cage. As Fiyin was introducing us to her date, Deji, DJ for short, Mr. Bush Baby walked up to me and stared full faced into my boobs, almost salivating.

“Are they real?” he burped or farted or something really gross and I pushed him away but he came back, eyes on the twins. “When you’re in water, do they help you float?”

Kyenpia laughed and pulled me away because I was about to slap his face.

“don’t mind him,” DJ said. “His mother owns the place.”

“That’s why he’ll be harassing people?” I asked, annoyed.

DJ smiled, showing a cracked tooth and I imagined him sucking Fiyin’s blood at night. I shivered. I should have known right there that he wasn’t only going to be a sucker but a girlfriend beater as well. We sat down and started gisting but Kyenpia out of nowhere discovered she was hungry. That girl was weird; she got hungry at really odd times.

“I’ll go get you something. There’s an eatery around here. Want to come with me?” DJ offered.

“Yes, please,” Kyenpia said. I knew she was up to something but what was it? She was really disrespecting Fiyin who was already swelling like a black mamba.

“Me sef I want to eat. I will follow you people but Maxy, wait here.” Fiyin stood and they left me all alone. So there I was, sitting jeje on my own in my bend-down blue dress. Back then, I was still struggling and couldn’t afford the real stuff. Even my shoes were authentic okrika[1]. But trust me na, I looked like a million bucks. A waiter walked to me with a bottle of small stout and told me some guy had paid for it. I looked at the stout and looked at the waiter. Me, small stout. Am I a village champion?

“Wherever it came from, please return it abeg,” I told the waiter and my eyes caught Mr. Bush Baby winking at me from the bar. “When you return it, use the bottle to break the person’s head,” I added.

The waiter left and I busied myself with nonsense thoughts until I got Kyenpia’s text. In those days, smartphones were still dumb. No pinging.

Maxie, DJ has toasted me b4 and he’s abusive. I wanted to be alone wit him to warn him off Fi, but she’s not catching on. Urgh! She just kissed him to spite me.

I replied: just bring back donut 4me and 4get dat sex-starved girl.

From my sideview I sighted one tall guy walking in. Our eyes jammed but I looked away immediately and concentrated on what he was wearing. My sharp eyes that knew how to catch all things good, inspected and approved of his style. Then when I tried to review his face, that disturbing Bush Baby creature started walking to me. No, he was dancing towards me, out of beat, like one of those old highlife people on NTA. The song playing in the background was Styl Plus’ Imagine That, and he was mouthing the words happily as he came to me. And that is why I hate Styl Plus forever. I noticed I was suddenly the center of everyone’s attention and I abused myself for not following them Kyenpia.

Bush Baby sang: “Imagine that afi gba to se dan dan…”

“Ehn-ehn!” I raised my hand, “please respect yourself and disappear!”

He sang on: “pelu gbogbo ife ti–”

“I said, leave!”

Bush Baby didn’t hear me o. He was in his own world as he started grinding his waist and going down before me, smacking an invisible ass which he was imagining was mine. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I stood up; but the moment I did, Bush Baby also raised his short self to meet me and blocked my path. And because he was drunk like a fish and couldn’t hold himself, he lost balance, fell on me and pushed us together with my chair, down to the floor. I wanted to die! But he still refused to move! He stayed there on top of me, enjoying the moment, torturing me with his toilet breath and nasty body odor. And on top of everything, he had a massive boner! And I was wondering if he always walked around with one. I could hear some useless female voices laughing in the background but it wasn’t funny at all because I was trapped.

Then God sent an angel who picked Bush Baby up as if he were paper, shoved him to one side and lifted me to my feet with gentle hands. Tears of anger and shame clouded my eyes as I steadied myself but when I looked up and saw James for the first time… as in, really saw him, my sight was never clearer. Forget all that crap about love being blind.

“Amaka!” Bella called and I hissed at her.

“Can’t you see that I’m having a moment here?”

“You’re such a weist[2]. You will be doing all that one and another girl will steal him from you. So, can I have it, please?” she lifted the blue dress.

“don’t let God slap you this evening. Drop it!”

She hissed and stoned me with the dress. “Wear it to the grave, stingo[3]!”

I stuck out my tongue and she hissed again and for no reason smacked Orobo who was trying out one of my bras while singing an ancient Igbo song. The door burst open and my support team, Kyenpia and Fiyin walked in. Yeah, self-centered me; my world shakes and everyone else’s has to stop rotating too.

“Maxy, we’re here!” Fiyin announced and sat beside me. “Waz wrong?”

“don’t mind me jor.” I said but told them all that had happened.

“He told you to go on a date and meet new people?” Kyenpia asked.

“And said you should have fun?” Fiyin also asked.

“Just like that?” Bella nosed in.

“And you agreed?” Fiyin concluded.

“No!” I retorted and they all sighed in relief apart from Kyenpia who flatly said, “do as he said.”

“Are you crazy?!” Fiyin cried.

“Bella and Orobo, I need privacy,” I announced in my senior sister tone.

Bella hissed and dragged singing Orobo out of the room.

“Are you crazy?” Fiyin continued. “How can your pastor and your man ask you to freestyle on other men for a whole week and you say yes?”

“Because,” Kyenpia explained, “they want to see if she can handle herself when James is not there and she has to show them that she’s a big girl.”

“Big girl fire! Hmm, Amaka if you play with James, there are people that will snatch him shaperly o!”

Yes, Fiyin, you and a million others.

“What if I fall for the guy Pastor Ishi wants to hook me up with?” I questioned Kyenpia.

“Why on earth will you fall for another guy? And even if you somehow lost your brain and did, the fact that he could be a spy for James would not let your spirit rest.”

Fiyin began to see her point.

“If you say no to the guy, James will think you really have something to hide,” Kyenpia continued. “You have to go out with him and show them that you’re faithful to James no matter what, and it’s for your own good, to cancel that restlessness that is disturbing you now that Doyin’s in town.”

“Which Doyin?” Fiyin asked but I didn’t answer because I was instantly mad at Kyenpia.

“Who asked you to bring up that one up now? don’t you people get that Doyin is my past? See, nobody should call that name in my ear ever again!”

“Okay,” Kyenpia rubbed my legs tenderly, “I’m sorry nah. Sorry. All I wanted to tell you was to enjoy your one week of fun.”

The door opened and Orobo walked in. “Aunty Amaka, one uncle is looking for you.”


She shrugged. “I dunno. He enter the house and tell Daddy ‘good afternoon’ and Daddy say ‘yes, young man, who are you and how can I hep you?’ And the uncle say, ‘I’m looking for Amaka’ and Daddy say Odimma, gaan call Amaka.’ And I come and call you.”

“Agbaya! And you didn’t stay to hear his name?”

“You say I should stop doing tatafo.”

“Yet you stayed and heard the whole greeting.”

“He’s short sha, not like Uncle James. And his nose is flat like this.” She slapped her nose to explain properly.

Kyenpia and Fiyin laughed.

“Tell him I’m coming.”

She hopped away and I got a ping. It was Pastor Ishi.

Going by my calculations, ur date should be @ur house about now. Have a blast.

“I can kill Pastor Ishi now…” I passed the phone to Kyenpia. “He’s the one that sent the guy in the sitting room. That’s my date! Them James think this is all a joke. They’re using me to play.”

“Well, it’s showtime!” Kyenpia laughed.

“Maxy, don’t do it,” Fiyin begged. “Lemme take him off your hands. You know I need a new boyfriend. And I think James is setting you up. You don’t know his motives.”

“Amaka, go jor,” Kyenpia opposed. “Look at you, worrying about James who is out there enjoying himself. You know he’s not cheating; he’s not the type. But since he wants to play games, play along and show you’re one step ahead. And who cares about his motives? You can see his moves.”

I listened to both voices. One was good and the other was bad but problem was I didn’t know which was which until Bella put her mouth.

“Hmm…don’t go o.” She walked in from the sitting room, mischief in her eyes.

“Did you see the guy? Is he fine?” Fiyin asked.

“I did see him, yes, and he’s hawt like…what’s the word? He’s…Well, go and see for yourself.”

Kyenpia pulled me up.

“Is my dress okay? Do I need to change into something nicer? No, no, he’ll snap a picture and send it to James. Maybe I should wear ordinary jeans and a tee. “

“You’re okay like this.” Kyenpia pushed me towards the door.

“Chill nah!” I stopped.

Bella gave one evil laugh and maliciously started humming Orobo’s Igbo song.

“Amaka!” my popsie called.

“Sir! I’m coming!” I replied and adjusted my dress.

“don’t kiss the guy o,” Fiyin warned.

I hesitated but Kyenpia pushed me again and I appeared in the sitting room. I was beginning to think she was part of the whole plan. I wanted to turn back to ask her but my legs just kept walking forward on their own accord. The mystery guy was backing me, his hair neatly cut, he had a muffler around his neck. I could smell his perfume; something mild and woody. My legs edged forward even more. My palms were sweaty and so were my armpits, even though the weather was cold.

Amaka, pull yourself together. It can’t be that bad. Are you this rusty at this game?

“Hi,” I said, my stomach was bouncing badly like a fifteen year old danfo[4]. Very badly, I wanted to fart. Oh, why did I eat beans?

The guy got up and turned around. “Hello, Amaka.”


Now, ladies, you know that guy that you dated on your way to the top? The one that had nothing but his last name, yet he made you laugh till you cried, took walks with you on lonely roads because he couldn’t afford a decent meal at Mr. Biggs, played Ludo and Whot with you all evening, bought you Vanilla spray and Someone Perfume on your birthday and a small card to go with, always served you akara or Indomie and one egg (or two for good measure) and sometimes asked you for a loan when he had nowhere else to go? Yet in the end you dumped him because he was a broke ass even though you still loved him? Yeah, that was Doyin.

And he was standing before me with eyes swimming in love. Eiya, poor boy.

And as for James… he should be prepared because the games just started hotting [5]up.

….To Be Continued…


©Sally@moskedapages Cover Design by @IamAyomiDotun

[1] Okrika – fairly used clothes

[2] Weist – slang for waste

[3] Stingo – stingy person

[4] Danfo – commercial bus

[5] Hotting – slang for heating


Before I begin, I just want to establish a few points centered around my writing style. I have a very vivid imagination and this helps me a lot since most of what I write is fiction. However, imaginations can only go so far, and that is where reality comes in. Okay, rephrase: reality first, imagination later. Most of my characters and stories are inspired by real people and events. I love to pick an imagined character and dress his/her life with true life stories from real human beings. As you read, you’ll find out what I’m talking about.


Amaka’s hilarious personality is gotten from a good friend of mine who always has everyone around her lol. She hardly takes herself seriously and likes to act dumb when she is in fact, very smart. And of course, she has the Igbo factor too. Amaka’s background about her father driving away her mother because she gave birth to only girls is a true story. In real life, the mother goes ahead to get married to another man and has four boys by him. Talk about irony.


He’s completely a fictional character but inspired by my husband’s personality and his recent need for adventure.


Beauty, some say, is a curse. The real person I write about was once drop dead gorgeous but had very low self-esteem. All a guy needed was tell her she was special and she was good to go but mind you, she went for the sweet-talkers with money. She tried to change her ways but years of passing around her goods had worn her out and she eventually accepted her fate. Want to know more about her? Read Onagite again.


The person that inspired this character didn’t have a happily ever after with the love of her life. Years of medical school left her inexperienced when it came to men. She ended up marrying the first man who came by and rocked her world with his looks, charm and fat pocket. Today, she’s a single mom and studying to be a surgeon in London. The Bem in her life was her elder brother and he’s still there for her.


This character is a mixture of a kind doctor I met and an engineer who had the personality of the guy next door and used it to have his own repertoire of ladies. Whenever they caught him cheating, they didn’t get mad at him and easily forgave him. He was that nice.


Two girls living in Kaduna inspired this personality. Both of them were to be married to men they didn’t love and both of them fought for the right to make their own choices. One of them is in Lagos today, unmarried and pursuing her dreams; the other is in Kaduna, also pursuing her dreams and unmarried as well.


She was supposed to be a full character depicting women who enjoy being abused by their men but I will keep her for the second part because I don’t have permission yet to write her full story. She is a combination of three beautiful girls.


I had this boss that was as crazy as Miss Monica. She didn’t have man problems, though. She is one of those women that men are scared of because of her principles. And because I’m jealous of her success, I brought out the opposite of her in this story. *tongue out* Miss J!”


Okay, this dude is for real. He’s a doctor with one of those popular international health organizations and he changes women like he breathes. He doesn’t care that I’m writing this about him and is happy any day, to have his stories shared with the world. Er…break not your head about him. He has no apologies for being God’s gift to women.


Real couple. But the guy’s not a doctor. He had an affair with a younger woman and got her pregnant. The girl’s mother insisted that they got married; his wife accepted since she was barren. They were supposed to all live happily until the new wife and her mother brought their bitch on, pissing the first wife off big time. In the end, the first wife had the girl, her mother and the husband locked up and claimed the child all because she was actually the moneybag in the house.


This dude, after discouraging one of his members from getting married to the man of her dreams, turns around and proposes to her. She said no.


And for the events…

  • Nothing like James calling someone’s name at the altar happened in real life. I got that scene from Friends.
  • Onagite’s character really slept with two guys in two days and got pregnant. She terminated the pregnancy eventually. One of the guys was married.
  • I have heard stories of guys being drugged into having sex just so that condoms will be avoided. James’ story is not peculiar.
  • Amaka’s sisters are just a depiction of the Nigerian mothers who force their children into getting pregnant before they get married because they want to be sure their future in-laws can give them grand kids.
  • I got the story of how Amaka and James met from the net. It was so hilarious, I had to share my own version.
  • A few short scenes are from actual meet-ups and conversations I’ve had. I combined bits and pieces from here and there to make an interesting read.



The Fish Brain series has only just begun. To get all books above click HERE, HERE and HERE

Or simply contact me via email to have Fish Brain Games, Vows and Madhouse for the price of two.



Facebook Comments


  1. aah….deep exhale! it’s like visiting with old friends. I see ma gal Maxxie’s still as scattered as ever and Kay? my gal’s mouth still needs washing out with soap,lol…wats this Zia person? there’s no unhoing a ho? hehehe…only you Sal, only you! The church ladies give me the creeps Jamie’s still as sweet as ever and Ishi…oh Ishi will not kill me yet! what’s dat man up to now? Who said anything about being in a rush Ms Sal? no way chica! these fish folks are worth every minute,hours,days or weeks 🙂 I look forward to the relishing.


  2. are you sure that’s not the rich girl that her boo used to smack around until she turned native on him,errm…Oh Sal you know who I mean…the horny one. That’s her giving a little love to her fave toy.


  3. Well well well!

    What can I say? Looking forward to this!

    Nice going Sally. You know I know what the deal is with that pishure – but why have all the fun? Let them try!

    #FishBrainClan. Right.


  4. My God, i can’t wait. This is like your flagship series, you know. This is the one “ring” to rule them all lol! 😀


  5. Lmao!!!! Amaka is just a case! Pls wt hole did zia jump out from? I love d way u bring dem from d odr bks to join d fishbrain crew. U shd serzly cnsider making ds into a TV series, not movie oh. Its too sweet to end in 2hrs!


  6. Started reading the fish brain trilogy for the first time this night, and i’ve not been able to take my eyes off my phone screen. Amaka is one hell of a comedian, and yes, i remember the scene from F.R.I.E.N.D.S; Ross was at the altar with Emily and ended up saying Rachel’s name instead during the vows.


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