Tactics and Excuses Nigerian Men Use to Avoid Having Sex With Condoms

I wrote this a while ago and thought to share…
 
According to a recent research, 8 out of 10 Nigerian men do not use condoms. This was revealed by Bright Ekweremadu, the Managing Director of Society for Family Health, SFH. He said over 1.8billion sexual activities occur in Nigeria yearly, and 80% of them are unprotected.
 
Mr Bright added that if Nigerian men were to use condoms, no supplier in the world would be able to afford the quantity of condoms they would need. *clears throat* like, really? Is that how much our brothers love to have sex?
 
Anyways, old news. If you’re a Nigerian woman, you already knew that. But you also know that no matter how charming a guy is or how rich or how sexy, your health should be your first concern when it comes to your sex life. You’d think many females know this but it so happens that even the best of us get carried away by the moment. Women have allowed men who use certain tactics and manner of speaking to dissuade them from having protected sex. And that’s just plain irresponsible in this present time when diseases like gonorrhoea are mutating or when people can get cervical cancer from HPV viruses.
 
Below are some of the excuses and tactics men use to avoid condoms. They may sound like basic excuses but they have worked so well and are still working for many womenfolk.
 
1. Intense Foreplay: He gets you in the mood, touches the right buttons, uses his tongue in places on your body you didn’t even know existed and all you can think of is going all the way. You want the full package badly; you can’t wait to do it and you throw caution to the wind. This is an old tactic men use. Be wary of it.
 
2. Just The Tip: This is one of the funniest I’ve heard and had personal experience with in the past. The guy goes “baby, just the tip; I’m not going in, I swear.” If you’re not going in, then what are you doing at the door. Smh. Please tell him to dress his little man up even if he’s just going to hang by the door.
 
3. ‘I am clean; you are clean’ Excuse: I really don’t know what ‘clean’ means but Nigerian men use that word a lot. I’m thinking it means he is disease-free and she is disease-free and thus why bother about protection? This is a very vague excuse. Guys that use this don’t want to be upfront about their health status because they are not sure they are really ‘clean’.
 
4. ‘I’ve been tested already Excuse’: Just like the above, he uses this to let you know he is safe but here, he is bold enough to tell you that he has gone and done the test already and he is guaranteed to be disease-free. Sister, run from this particular guy. He’s even worse than the one above.
 
5. Emotional Blackmail: ‘So baby, you don’t trust me?’ That’s a classic line. Or he just starts sulking when you insist on a condom. Using these emotional tactics, he aims to bully you into parting your legs for him without any form of protection.
 
6. Telling You You’re Too Sexy, He can’t Wait: The sweet-talker with the sugar-coated tongue. He’ll probably tell you that you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever been with. Yimu. All na for mouth. Don’t be fooled.
 
7. It Feels Better Skin to Skin: Of course it does feel better skin to skin. Everyone knows that; you don’t need a man reminding you. Also watch out for words from him that describe how ‘sweet’ his penis is and he wants you to have the full experience and a condom will stop pleasure. Tell him sex is beyond the penetration; remind him of foreplay. Also add that he will last longer if he uses the condom but first he should take his time with you during foreplay so you can get there at the same pace as he.
 
8. Birth Control is the Woman’s Priority. If a man tells you this, he is simply telling you that if anything happens in the future, he won’t be held culpable. To him, his job is to have sex and ejaculate inside you; it’s your job to deal with the messy aspect afterwards.
 
9. ‘I won’t cum inside you’: Heard that line before? Yeah, many guys use it. “Don’t worry baby; I’ll withdraw before I cum” And that is how many women are now mothers with that excuse. The same guy, after shooting off his load inside a woman will tell her she was too sexy and so he couldn’t help himself. Ladies, don’t be deceived. Yes, many guys can control it and they’re experts at it but sometimes…just sometimes… they can’t help it.
 
10. Lying on Top of you During Foreplay: Another old trick here. He takes full control and his fingers work your genitals and you’re in cloud nine and… oops! His fingers have been replaced by something else and he’s inside! You complain (weakly) and he hushes you and tells you to just go with the flow. Smooth operator.
‘I’m allergic to condoms’ Excuse: This is new. But I have heard it from my friends on two occasions. Maybe it was the same guy (I’ll have to ask). well, I thought I should add it here. Certainly, there are some people who are allergic to latex found in condoms and get adverse reactions to it but the percentage is really low. In short such people are hard to find. But why do I have a feeling that their number will soon increase in Naija?
‘I’ll Marry you’ Excuse: Smh. If you believe this phrase then you believe anything.
‘My size is not in the market’ Excuse: This guy’s peen is usually very big or small or narrow. Hence, he gives excuses why he shouldn’t use a condom. Don’t believe his lying ass.
Direct Request: Now some guys will just tell you flat-out, with the straightest of faces that they ain’t down with condoms and they are not going to have sex with you wearing one. They will also add that they don’t use condoms at all and give you this expression like they don’t give an ish what you think. It’s either their way or the highway. Go ahead and hurl their asses out the door.
In conclusion, simply stamp it in your mind that sex is not all about pleasure. If it was, then none of us would be here in this world. The only reason you’re in existence, reading this, is because your parents chose to have sex without protection some years ago. But some people didn’t even get that lucky. While others got knocked up, they got knocked down dead by diseases, especially HIV. There are also other STDs that affect us women of which men are carriers alone. You will do yourself well to protect against them.
 
The wise woman of this age carries a condom around. She takes full responsibility for her sex life and health. She also knows how to say no when the sex will not favor her.
 
Please, don’t dull. Be part of the change that alters the statistic I put above. Jokes apart, whether Nigerian men are good in bed or not, 8 out of 10 going unprotected is nothing to smile about.
 
 
 
PLAY SAFE!!!
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37 Comments

  1. Nice piece Sally. As much as we are castigating men who give excuses and use different tactics for not using condoms during sex, we should also note that there are a lot of women who do not like using condoms. Some of them use some of the excuses above like, I enjoy sex better skin to skin or “you don’t trust me enough” or downright accusing the guy of cheating if he insists on using a condom

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    • Sally Reply

      Thanks for sharing, Dayo. When I handle the women’s side, i will tackle their own excuses.

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  2. After living inf fear and anxiety of wether i was pregnant or not, after a no condom experience. I learnt my lesson. And thank God i didnt get pregnant.
    Women should learn to take their destiny into their hands.

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  3. an anonymous u might know Reply

    well, im married but initially i didnt like the ‘mess’ that occurs during sex. so once my wife took in, i told her that want to use comdom but she preferred ‘skin to skin’ but i got d rubber any. we used it once and she didnt like it. i m afraid that after she is delivered of a baby, she might take in immediately again cos she is opposed to taking peels or injection for family planning. d dilima now is that we agreed to have just one kid.
    this is just to support what Dayo said, that some women are equally guilty if not more guilty than some men in this issue

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    • Sally Reply

      Hi Anonymous I might Know,

      It’s been a while!
      Thanks for stopping by and sharing.

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  4. In the age of HIV? People still do this with random guys/girls…it’s so sad… Let’s wake up and look after ourselves. HIV does not infect promiscuous… Even ordinary people that get sweet talked… Let us not make choices that may affect us for life because of temporary feelings…

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  5. d part about trust is most common as if trust gives us d right to be irresponble tnks sally

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  6. This makes sense. And it’s funny too. I no go lie, I don use some of the excuses but that’s in d past sha

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  7. Good post. I’m always amazed when your topic is men some of your male readers must comment that we too have our issues. Lol. Usually you deal with everybody in your own time.

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    • Sally Reply

      Thank you, my dear. You read my mind on the issue. I always talk about everybody

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  8. After terrible mistakes in my past, I don’t think I’ll be dat stupid to fall for any sweet-talking guy.
    Male or female, we shd start being responsible.

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  9. hi sally, thankgod i got through today… i am an ardent long time reader… thumbsup for all ur stories n writeup…it keeps me going… but most times, d pages just wunt open…and wen it does, i find it frustrating wenever i want to comment, it just wouldn’t upload. I just hope this will.

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    • Sally Reply

      Awww, sorry about that. I wish I knew what the problem was.

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  10. Just the tip baby just the tip I just wanna feel u *rollseyes. I think guys go to a special school whr they learn to say these things cos it has happened to practically all d girls I know. Haba!

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  11. Hmmmmm, don’t know why some people won’t just learn. Even in a marriage, d risk is higher, especially when you want to plan your home. Women be wise(r). Thanks Sally. I hope you get this

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  12. Wow! Nice write up.
    Have actually heard 90% of these words but to the Glory of God, never gave in.
    SOME men/guys are deceptive and we ladies need be careful.

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  13. Sally tank U? for this post , as soon as i finished reading i had to share so many ladies need to read dis. But U know sally atimes the girls are the ones who want to do without the condoms because they want to carry belle for the guy and force his hand(by force marriage)

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  14. Lovely piece as always Sally.. but d tin is nyama… lol but saves big time. Safe or none

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  15. Interesting piece! But is it wrong to discard d condoms when u are in a monogamous relationship ?

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  16. Seye

    Nice one here Sally. We all should let our brains, not emotions, guide us.

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  17. There was one Nigerian man who, on the very first date, tried to have unprotected sex with me. When I halted and asked him bluntly if he had a condom, he feebly claimed he ‘forgot’ it [personally, a red flag, for if you’re as sexually active and responsible as he claimed to be, the very first thing you’d reach for before your trouser zip is a condom]. I told him that we weren’t going anywhere… then it quickly became apparent that he was either super-arrogant, super-ignorant or super-stupid when it came to the risks of unprotected sex. The attempted excuses and dismissals rolled in quicker than lightning.

    Regarding STDs:

    “Are you saying I have a STD?” You might have, but that’s not even the issue. *I* might have a STD. The point is we didn’t know each other, our individual sexual histories NOR the last time either of us got tested. Simply saying ‘I’m clean’ or ‘I’ve been tested’ doesn’t cut any mustard. Unless we both went to the clinic together and tested anew to ensure our current statuses, words or assurances meant nothing.

    Regarding condoms:

    “You don’t seem to care that I’ll be in agony.” He claimed afterwards he was joking with this but from experience, I knew it was anything but that. Firstly, what condoms was he using that were cutting off his blood supply? Secondly, I liked how he seemed to value his own comfort over mine. Finally and personally, anybody that actively complains about wearing condoms not only have probably had unprotected sex with every other Tom, Dick or Harry previously but also are prone to doing shady things in extreme situations that are tantamount to sexual assault, e.g. taking off the condom during sex without the other person knowing (i.e. ‘stealthing’). I avoid such people like the plague.

    Then, regarding pregnancy:

    He actually LAUGHED and said: “You’re not going to get pregnant by me… I can control myself. I’ll pull out.” SERIOUSLY? Had he never heard of ‘precum’, or pre-ejaculation, which is an INVOLUNTARY action? Did he not know that precum CONTAINS SPERM? Did he not know that sperm is the very thing that fertilises eggs and sets the ball rolling for PREGNANCY? I said all of that to him. He just scoffed.

    At that point, any physical attraction I may have felt for him died instantly. If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s a selfish, arrogant and irresponsible adult.

    Sorry for the long comment but in short, when I read your article, I thought of my experience above and (among other experiences with Nigerians) could not agree with it more. Of course, there are people who prefer condomless sex – including women – and as long as they consent to that, that’s fine. The issue arises when there’s no consensus and one party tries imposing their unprotected wants on the other by persuasion, coercion or attempted deceit. One definitely has to be more vigilant and carry contraception around such people. It’s rather despairing.

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    • Sally Reply

      Wow. Thanks for sharing. The guy himself was a total red flag. And this stealthing thing is becoming serious

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