* There’re few instances after recovering from a trance, I find myself unable to make use of my limbs. After a while I recover from the temporal motionlessness. The most annoying was when I was unable to talk, I loose my sense of speech; temporarily dumb. The longest was over a week. I communicate by writing on a notepad, sending a text through the mobile or funny sign languages I used. Those phases also passed.
During those periods I never despaired. Weird as it’ll sound, it was an adventure to me; a horrific but intriguing one. I knew I was tested by God. To test my faith in Him; wether I’ll persevere and continue to seek His mercy and give Him praises or further bridge my relationship with Him. The ordeal was an experience that changed my outlook about life in all aspects. Got me to understood people more. I wrote my best poems during those periods. I also realized I have a potential in prose too. My poems in P&Q themed around darkness and sadness with hope & victory hovering were birth due to my traumatic experiences. My nature poems were a way of appreciating and connecting with God in a surreal way. Thus the vivid and novel imagery which I really can’t explain how I came about; it’s inexplicable. Yet, I really wouldn’t have penned those amazing poems if not for this platform. Meeting superb poets, interacting and learning poetry forms really did polish my innate ability.
There’re a lot out there going through similar circumstances but the genesis differs. Others would survive the ordeal, others would recover but be mentally, emotionally or physically scarred while others won’t survive, unfortunately. Patients at times loose hope because they don’t have a strong support support. One can’t win such spiritual battles alone. I mean, family and friends play a substantial role in ensuring the patient gets maximum love, care, prayer, concern and understanding.
I became exposed to the so called men of God we have in our communities. Most temper and complicate situations for people. Some are learned in scholarly areas but will want to dabble into exorcism. Others perhaps are better off in certain religious obligations but would think they can handle the intricacies regarding spiritual attacks. It’s just like a patient that has an inflammation in the throat and needs to visit an ENT but ends up going to an optician. So same applies to religious and spiritual obligations.
The experience got me to rekindle my spirituality and I can’t thank God enough for the shower of peace. Even though I have to deal with underlying pathological issues, holistically. I still couldn’t have found myself where I am now without Gods will. My mother was my biggest comforter, she was there every passing second. She knows when I’m in pains and fire is raging within me. She sees through my calm disposition and always makes sure I’m not lonely. My brothers, father and genuine friends that always kept intouch virtually(social life was truncated for me; even visiting). I got to know the real people from the fake. Only when one is plagued by a predicament, will one know who’s genuine or not.
I took antidepressants and sleeping aid drugs for more than 5 months before gradually reducing the dosage and subsequently stopping. I engaged in different hobbies to keep myself occupied; watching, surfing the Internet, reading novels or any book that tickles my fancy, listening to radio etc. I lived a sedentary lifestyle, walking from the room to the bathroom or balcony feels like a lot of work due to how bloated I was. Some persons I communicate with find it hard to believe I’m going through anything of such, because when I speak on the phone, I’m articulate. Others think I’m even making it up because they find it strange to believe that there’re unseen beings out there that can cause such. Or they thought for one to be experiencing such type of attacks one can’t be coherent or stable enough to be communicating. As I hate to be pitied; one can be compassionate but I don’t like it when people make you feel worse as if ordeals in life are a curse. We all go through trials and tribulations but no one knows how it’ll manifest and when it’ll come enveloping us. During such periods, one needs people with a deep sense of understanding and compassion, unconditional love and care, positively impacting the person and keeping pessimism at bay.
As I couldn’t risk being harmed physically, I needed to be observant of any signs that’ll conceive harm when walking within the room, for the unseen entities always try to inflict pain by taking advantage of the patients vulnerability. There’re moments as soon as I stand to go to the bathroom, everyone in the room has to be on alert, because the flurry of activities that’ll follow can best be described in a novel or a movie.
It’s been a long long excruciating but fascinating journey! In my reading spree, I got to realize I have OCD and bipolar disorder too. Haven’t dealt with depression, I try to be abreast with other mental issues. It was self-diagnosis but I’m sure about it as the symptoms are just glaringly obvious. Just that over here, we don’t tend to bother much about mental illness like other illnesses. My OCD isn’t a problem to me because I grew up detail oriented but I don’t let that cause me problems with others even though it’s not as easy as I thought. What baffles me more is the bipolar and that I’m not liking at all. I have just decided to try as much as I can to not let my shortcomings overwhelm me, that way I can be in control of the bipolar.
This is strictly a personal experience of mine, so it might differ with others experience even though certain acts would be peculiar. It spanned from the 2nd quarter of 2011 till February 2015. Been in confinement all through and the day I went downstairs for the 1st time(a day in February 2015). After all these years, it felt unreal taking a walk within the estate we live in. Some natural habits feel new, I feel like a new born baby at times, stuffs I use to do seem alien to me. Sometime soon, I’ll start going out to resume my normal activities. Integrating into the public has to be gradual, the transition I can’t wait to experience. I went out for the 1st time on March 14th 2015, I was trying to recall streets and landmarks. Walking and feeling people’s eye poring into me felt slightly discomforting, felt like a stranger in my home. I have no cause to complain, I’m glad I went through it all and came out victorious. I won’t trade my experience for anything. To me I feel I’ve earned an additional bachelors degree along with a Masters and Ph.D during those years :). Feels like living with demons in hell on earth. In the space of those years, a lot of lives have been cut short by terrorist in different continents, natural disasters plaguing communities, endemic diseases claiming lives, kidnappers and ritualist killing souls and what have you. So I thank God for all.
And to think that my fellow humans are responsible for such is just unimaginable. To want to kill another’s child because of the things of the world. Meting such trauma upon others forgetting karma surely visits and when it does it’s merciless and ruthless. The intended evil planned on a person will be a child’s play when repercussion knocks on the planners door.
I’m healed from the spiritual attack spell, glory be to God. I’m still recuperating as I’m on holistic remedy; underwent hydrotherapy, still on homeopathy, telepathy and herbal remedy. And of-course the most imperative is the intercession prayer I received from genuine men of God, whom also guided me towards my spirituality as well. My weight is now gradually getting back to normal. I thank God I didn’t break any limb, nor have a eye defect apart from the bruises i sustained due to the violent struggles and falls. I’m fine thanks to God. Even though there were moments they got me suicidal but I’m a believer and my spirit can only be tried but never conquered. I’ve seen stuffs that are scary but I didn’t loose my sanity. Talk about seeing stuffs, they have the power to change into all sorts of animals apart from their monstrous look. I see them in visions in dreams and other times the vision would be in my conscious state, it’ll be very overwhelming that it’s very vivid like an image. I thank God for all. And I pray God gives me the will to make use of my blessings to touch people’s lives. I claim no powers, nothing but I know my experience can inspire others to not deter in their faith when consumed by any ordeal. Opps! less I forget. Tinnitus! That’s one thing that’s driving me nuts; hissing, buzzing, ringing, whistling in the ears. The sound one hears differs according to individual. Very irritating. Hhhmm! Hopefully, that stops sometime soon.
There’re funny moments throughout those periods but I’ll chip them in as the discuss continues and other stuffs that I didn’t mention. Even in the most devastating, awkward and painful experiences, there’re funny moments.
To anyone going through any ordeal that may seem unmountable; keep an unrelenting faith, persevere and be patient. You’ll surely come out victorious. Nothing good comes easy in life. And for the pains and discomfort one feels and tears one sheds, there’s definitely a reward awaiting the person. It’s very very ok to get emotional and moody, it’s normal, we’re humans but that shouldn’t deter us from loosing sense of focus in achieving the mantle of honor which represents your belief in Gods decree in your life. Winning the battle and proving the enemies wrong makes you a soldier; a true, pious servant. We all have a purpose to fulfill and we can’t get there without undergoing some cleansing, prepping and experiences.
Love and Gods blessings to you.