Family Secrets #3 By Kycee Q

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40 Responses

  1. Bee says:

    Kaycee, great story!

    Can’t decide what’s more shocking, Jite, hating Tore and her father supporting her or their dad not still accepting Rhoda!

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  2. Tobislim says:

    first to post, way to go Sally. I love your level of maturity
    Kaycee welldone,you are doing a great job….Be you,u cant please every one.

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  3. doyinsola says:

    Hmmmmmmm………….interesting

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  4. Chux says:

    It is beginning to be interesting.
    I skipped 2, hope to read that later.

    Permit me to do some appraisal here. I noticed a little problem initially. ( although the problem corrected itself toward the end). What I think makes your writing short May be lack of character dialogue. At the beginning, it seems that there is no exchange among your characters. They have good memories in recalling the past a lot. But much of what they recall are not dramatized. You should have infused them with dramatic dialogue. But toward the end of the story that exchange comes it. I believe it is what must have made this episode longer. Please add more dialogue as you write.

    There are some expressions that do not seem good to me. Your narrator, the omniscient one that you have here, that is, a third person narrator who is not part of the story but just an eye witness telling the story; should not call your characters names like ‘dad’ and ‘mum’. That should be left for the characters to do. Whenever I read it like that I begin to imagine that it was one of the characters talking directly. The narrator should just call them ‘their father’ or ‘their dad’, ‘their mum’ or ‘their mother’. This shows that it is a third person narrator talking.

    Now look at this statement

    “What kind of useless child have you given me God?” Mum wailed to no one in particular.

    This is just to illustrate what I just said above. But there is more to it. Their mum was directly addressing God here. Characters talk to imaginary person. It is allowed. From her statement we understood she is talking to God. Therefore, that other statement ( mum wailed to no one imp articulate) is needless. Everyone understands that it is a direct address to God and not to anyone around her.

    Then a few mistakes in tense. It is a story told in past tense. Which is good. But look at this:

    She knew there was no way their mother would go back on her words. She usually never does…

    That last sentence here mixes up the tense. I think ” she usually never did” would been a better expression.

    If you noticed in my comment I used the words “I think” and “it seems”. This is to show that it is just my personal value judgement based on the little I know about writing. You the writer may have your reasons for writing the way you did. What I said May not be the objective judgement.

    3+
  5. classiq IJ says:

    Nice… You are a good writer dear, well-done.

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  6. t4temi says:

    Hmmn…..i’m following with rapt attention….byt ny people, who names their daughter delilah?

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  7. Adeleke Julianah says:

    This family is what to call it?
    Hypocritically complicated!
    Mehn!
    Just reading this today. All 3 episodes. And am I glad I did.
    Keep it up Kycee.

    1+
  8. Atoba says:

    Interesting turn of events.. Thank you for keeping me very busy reading

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  9. AOS says:

    Hmmmm nice one Kycee. Keep It Up Dearie.

    To madam Sally n Kycee, please don’t get angry over our comments of its too short, make it longer…blah blah. It shows we are reading, love your write up n want more. But so sorry if our comments made you felt bad.
    Please don’t feel bad whenever you see our more or wants for bonus or its short….its a very big way to say we appreciate, love your work n want more of you. Thanks Dearies….*xoxoxoxox*
    Would like to see more of Ejaife character, (the funny or joker of the family).
    Keep the fire burning bae….*xoxo*

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  10. Mariam says:

    This family is truly dysfunctional. I can’t wait to read more about them. I wonder what the next secret will be. Nice on Kycee!

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  11. Olamide says:

    Well done Kycee. It was a nice read.

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  12. ola says:

    Completely glued

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  13. Bimz says:

    I like Ejiafe already! …..and of cos Tore knows who fathered her child….there’s a reason she’s not telling. Yet another secret! Odikwa complicated family.
    Don’t take d “too short” comments to heart dearie… Its an indication we love the story. Kudos. May u continually be inspired to write.

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  14. temidayo says:

    If there is a greater word than dysfunctional, them that is what this family is . so mch secretes and hypocrisy……..i siddon dey look dem oo. weldone kycee lovely write up.

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  15. elly says:

    Good piece

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  16. chinny says:

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, I no know wetin I for talk self.

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  17. neymar says:

    Did Tore killed her Mum? Abi Bawo?

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  18. Seye Seye says:

    I like the sequence this is following. I already am trying to add up a few things but I won’t wanna get ahead of you so i’ll just wait for the next episode.
    Big ups Kycee

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  19. wasmakelly says:

    We are glued allready, dat omotore baee get mind oo. Loving d write up like rice nd salad, waiting 4 d full chicken.

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  20. Adekola Funmilola says:

    Hmmmm! Family drama in a circle. I’m patiently waiting for the next episode!. Thanks for this nice piece

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  21. mary says:

    I love!love!love!Kaycee nice one!I am suspecting Tore n ha father…hmmm

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