We’ve been having letters pouring in and this is one of them from T
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Thank you Madam for that heart touching piece.
You said it all!!! It was like you were talking about me. From the abortion, heartbreaks, to finally being cold hearted. This description “A young boy whose hormones are all around the place and is not yet ready to settle down, who has not yet grasped the concept of fidelity wants a girl who would be faithful to him, be good in bed, cook for him, care for him, respect his family, treat him like a king and bring good fortune to him” is the exact picture of my boyfriend. He says I am that girl and we have been dating since February,2013.
You know, guys cannot eat their cake and still have it anymore. But we ladies, still have that vacuum somewhere deep down, that wants to be filled with love. My question is how do we find that guy that truly deserves our heart and body? Do they still exist, because all I see everywhere is some guy who wants to have as many girls as possible and does not want any commitment.
I would prefer to date a married man, not because of the money, like you said, but that stability, maturity, security. Well, as much as I want all these, I wouldn’t date a married man because I will be hurting his wife, which is not a nice thing to do.
Once again, thank you for that piece. If my boyfriend does not want to change, then I think I should leave him, instead of hurting everyday knowing he is out there with some girl. Every time, I talk to him about it, he cries and begs for forgiveness, promising never to do it again and that it’s me he loves and wants to marry. Just 2 days ago,I caught him again. He has started the pleading, crying, and telling me how his life will be miserable without me. I am sick and tired. We have been having this kind of issue since December, 2013. I am no longer the happy and lively person I used to be, as this has become a regular issue between us. I have been thinking a great deal, constantly having headaches and now fear for my health. This is an unhealthy relationship. I need your advice please.
Thank you for sending in this letter. I apologize for answering late. Your mail got into the spam folder and I just saw it this morning.
I do understand where you are coming from, having been with women in your case, and having gone through it myself in the past. I also understand what it means to know that the person you love is hurting you and it’s hard for you to let go. People looking in from outside might not understand and think you are weak but these things take time.
Without wasting much of your time, I would like to advice you to have a discussion with your boyfriend. But before you do that, you’ll need to sit down and tackle your own personal issues.
From what you wrote, you feel a good man is almost impossible to find. I’ll like to let you know that having that sort of thinking blocks you from opening your mind to the possibility of good men out there. If you feel that the world is full of useless men, you would not even recognize a good one when he comes because all you can see is the bad side of him. And when the bad guy comes and does the right things that tickle your fantasies, you allow him into your life because your perception is “men are bad”. So you let him in and manage him on that basis.
Hence, you have to deal with your mindset. First, tell yourself that there are good men out there who believe in monogamy.
Second, see yourself as a woman worthy of a good man and settle for nothing less.
Third, know your deal breakers. What can you take from a man without losing your self respect? What can’t you take? You might need to put this down on a piece of paper.
Fourth, go to your boyfriend, sit him down and with this renewed sense of purpose, tell him how he is hurting you. Be gentle but firm. Don’t shout. Don’t let him interrupt you. Allow him speak when your done if he wants to explain himself. Accept no tears or emotional blackmail; let him talk to you like a man. No matter the outcome, give him one more chance.
Fifth, if he screws up, then leave. The problem is not with you but with him.
Lastly, move on to better things. Hope for a better man, do not settle for less. It may take a while but he will come.
Sometimes the way women let men into their lives is the cause. If you feel you’ll need more help on how to choose a better man next time, feel free to contact us.
God bless you.
Mr and Mrs Anonymous