When a woman rapes a man…
Last year, the news about a 26 year old woman who raped a man went viral and I had to latch on to get the gist. I clicked on a link I saw on Twitter and it took me to Huffington Post where I got the entire detail about the rape incident which actually occurred two years ago.
So Chantae Gilman is a mother of four and now pregnant with her fifth child and is facing charges of rape, after breaking into a man’s home and raping him while he slept.
According to the victim, who was not named, he had attended a party earlier and had a long day, after which he went straight to bed, only to wake up later to see Gilman straddling him, his hands bound above his head and she was having non-consensual sex with him.
He told her to get off but she told him to be quiet. After some struggle with her, he managed to free himself from beneath her and pushed her out of his apartment. Later that day, a local hospital performed some sexual examination tests on him to ascertain whether he was raped or not. Also DNA was collected and this was what actually resurrected the case last year, because the DNA was said to match Gilman’s, who claimed she could not remember the incidence or ever entering the man’s home. She also alleged that she had a mental illness.
A friend of hers asserted the claims and said Gilman had been treated for mental health issues and drug addictions in her past. I don’t know how the case ended. I haven’t gotten an update yet.
To begin, I do believe that women rape men. I also believe a woman can overpower a man and have him do whatever she desires.
But what I was actually finding hard believing was how a woman could get into a man’s room while he was sleeping, arouse him sexually and (pardon me here) insert his penis into her vagina and he had no idea what was going on. Yes, he woke up at some point, but how did it get that far without him being aware of all that was happening?
As a man, swimming in the depth of my ignorance, I decided to go online to search for men who had been raped by women and how these rapes happened. Interestingly, I found stories that were similar to the guy’s experience. The same way men prey on women and rape them is basically the same way female rapists deal with their victims.
Many people (men especially) don’t believe this is possible. And I often hear them ignorantly wishing to be thrown into a pool of female rapists to have a good time.
Guys, a rapist is a rapist, regardless of the person’s gender. And they are all sick in the head, so while you’re fantasizing about being tied to a bed post by a woman or group of women, ponder on the fact that you could be tied face down and an object (if you’re lucky, a dildo) would be shoved into your anal hole.
Men who have been bold enough, especially via the net, to admit to being raped never described the experience as pleasurable. The same feelings of humiliation, pain, depression and hurt that females experience, the males also have. And it’s worse for men in a world where a man can get laughed at when he admits that a female raped him. Statistics have it that 90-95% of male rape victims do not report to the authorities.
But my concern here today is: Is it rape if the man gets an erection or attains climax?
Many people, obviously, would say no.
I have asked my friends these question and they all give me the same answer: “it is not rape!”
But then I ask, do you get erections during the day without being aroused? And they all agree that as healthy males, they do get erections that happen without their consent, yet maintain that when it comes to coercion, the same doesn’t apply.
Now, to understand how men can be raped by women, we have to understand the male reproductive system albeit, vaguely.
According to Wikipedia, “…the relationship between erection and arousal is not one-to-one. After their mid-forties, some men report that they do not always have an erection when they are sexually aroused. Equally, a male erection can occur during sleep (nocturnal penile tumescence) without conscious sexual arousal or due to mechanical stimulation (e.g. rubbing against the bed sheet) alone…
At this point, I am thinking, if a man can get a boner from mechanical stimulation without him being turned on by the things that normally turn him on, is it not possible that a woman can mechanically stimulate him while he is under duress and cause him to have sex with her?
Ponder on that question while I tackle the issue of orgasm. How does a man who is being raped get to the point that he gets an orgasm?
Again, let’s find out how that can happen. But before that, remember the cases that arose in 2013 in Zimbabwe of women gangs raping men and taking their semen for ritual purposes? Or the case of the five wives in Benue state that raped their husband to death? Then there was even a case in Arizona where a statutory rape victim who was abused at the age of fourteen and is now an adult, fathered a child through the incident and was asked last year to begin to pay child support.
Now, according to statistics in the United States (don’t ask me about Nigeria where our law doesn’t think women can rape men) 4-5% of rape victims confess to having had an orgasm while being sexually assaulted but we know that the numbers are likely a lot higher. A clinician reports having met male rape victims who had complete sexual response while being abused.
To understand how this happens you have to understand that rape is not always violent. Sometimes, the victim is drugged (sometimes to help sexual arousal) or intoxicated. Other times, the person could be physically and mentally handicapped. In some occasions, the victim complies so as not to get hurt or killed. And then we also have cases of the rapist being a spouse or lover. With men, the rapist could force erection via a penis ring or a rubber band. Ouch!
With the information and stats above, I think we can clearly see how easy it is for a woman to successfully rape a man.
I remember having a conversation with a couple of friends over this matter and we were looking at it from the viewpoint of the female victim, how women have been known to have orgasms while being raped. One of my friends ran into the conclusion that since a woman got all the way to having an orgasm under such circumstances, then it was no longer rape; it was consensual.
I totally disagreed. As Jenny Morber, a freelance science writer who wrote extensively on this topic on Double X Science stated, “Rape and arousal can happen simultaneously and one does not exclude the other.” What she simply means is arousal in no way means that the rape was pleasurable. There is something called ‘excitation transfer’ which happens in violent sexual attacks that leads to arousal from fear that comes from intensified sexual sensations. And we do know that some rapists take their time to stimulate sexual arousal in their victims.
To make this clearer, Jenny compared sex to tickles. Tickling can be fun and enjoyable but when it is without your consent, it can be quite uncomfortable and unpleasant. Yet you find yourself unable to stop laughing while it is being done to you even though you clearly want the ‘tickler’ to stop.
As Jenny further stated, ‘the sensation is not an expression of pleasure or consent – it is simply a physical sensation.’
This was quoted on her article from a newspaper review by an expert on the subject.
…the induction of arousal and orgasm does not indicate that the subjects consented to the stimulation. A perpetrator’s defense simply built upon the fact that evidence of genital arousal or orgasm proves consent has no intrinsic validity and should be disregarded…Human sexual arousal occurs as a mental state and a physical state; in normal sexual arousal both occur simultaneously. However, it is possible to be mentally sexually aroused without showing any genital manifestations of arousal…Contrarily, it is possible to exhibit these genital manifestations of arousal but not feel mentally aroused. Indeed, it is even possible to feel disgusted by the genital manifestations of arousal if it is thought to be a highly inappropriate response to the inducing sexual stimuli [such as] getting an erection to the naked body of one’s mother or sister or by a violent scenario.
I have never had people who came to me to share their stories about being raped and having been aroused or come to climax, either male or female. But I have met real rape victims, some of them even very close friends. I have seen shame in their eyes and now I wonder if that shame in part reads that they experienced some form of arousal during the terrible act. I would never know unless they tell me. From experience, though, I know a lot of rape victims will tell you only half the story.
In conclusion, please note that whatever happens when one is being abused sexually has nothing to do with the victim. Excitement and climax can happen during rape and it is not a sign of pleasure or permission from the victim.
If you have questions about this topic or about rape in general, please write to us. All emails are treated confidentially. Also, if you have been a victim, please contact us. Do not die in silence. It is not your fault that it happened.
Write to us at firstname.lastname@example.org We do get all your emails and we answer all of them. If we haven’t, please write us again.
We apologize for the absence and silence. Life happened to us and we had to take a break. In our next post, we’ll tackle ways rape can be prevented. Yes, in some cases, it can be.
Voicenote By: Mr Anonymous
Transcribed and Edited By: Sally Kenneth Dadzie.
That was really insightful, thanks to everyone who made this possible. I just learnt more on rape and as a legal practitioner,i hope one day our law would make provision for male rape victims.
wow. this was very educational. i didn’t even know that rape had this angle to it. very sad for the victims out there. thanks mr and mrs!
A very insightful piece
I really haven’t thought of rape from this angle. Very good indeed
Very insightful,I must agree. I hate to think of the pain and shame rape victims feel trying to convince themselves they didn’t enjoy it or ask for it.Now we know
Very interesting one and so true. anyone will understand if he or she has been a rape victim. Another topic we need to handle is the frequent news of older people raping children. Being raped as an adult is painful,then kids( boy or girl)?? Wetin come be that one na?
Very well written.
I can’t wait for all the ‘what about the women’ comments trying to derail this from being about MEN who were raped
I’ve never looked at it from this angle. We learn everyday……..
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