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Where To Find Breasts #5

Click here to read previous episodes of Where To Find Breasts Happy Father’s Day! Yenkat hated blind dates. She didn’t believe that they had anything good to offer. They were akin to rolling a die and expecting to find a number greater than 6 or hoping to draw a joker from a standard 52-card deck. The chances of either of those happening was as slim as a perfect man falling from heaven. This was Yenkat’s dilemma. She wasn’t searching for a man, but she was going on blind dates, hoping that she found a good one. A man worthy of her time, intellect and body. All in a bid to keep from going deep with Omar who was fulfilling his promise of making her fall for him. It wasn’t easy to stop herself from feeling many kinds of ways when she got his random morning phone calls. To start with,…

Where To Find Breasts #2

Read the first episode of Where To Find Breasts There were a few things as refreshing as a cold shower on a bad mood. Alcohol was one of them. Food as well. Maybe a deep tissue massage, followed by a long, restful night in a bed of feather-soft blankets. Yenkat wanted all of that. It was better than breaking into tears. The last thing she wanted was to cry. She had done so much of that in the past because of Dashe. He had been a brother from hell. Selfish and unrepentant. Many times, she had given him a chance, and in each occasion, he had blotched it. He wasn’t worth her tears. Yet, Yenkat felt pain so deep, it drowned her. The cold shower felt good. Yenkat stayed under it longer than she usually would. La Roux’s Trouble In Paradise album was playing in her bedroom. Dashe had introduced…

Novocaine Knights #4

PREVIOUS EPISODES WURA Not today. Wura groaned and fought hard from stomping her foot in agitation. She was having a bad day already. First, she had had another of her nightmares. Second, Mahmud was yet to call her; it was a week since they last spoke and she had called twice and gotten an engaged line. Third, she was late for church. Fourth, an unsightly zit had popped up above her upper lip. Fifth, her skirt was a little too tight and she didn’t have a replacement. And sixth, her period appeared from the blue, which would explain the fourth and fifth. Jesus, why me? She groaned and took off her stained underwear. She flung it in a bucket in her bathroom and hurried out to the sitting room, a towel around her body. Checking to see that Kasi was nowhere in sight, she called out, “sanitary pad, anyone! Two…

It’s Another Novocaine Saturday #19

Good morning. I just want to announce to you that I’ll be at the Grill and Read Lagos on Sunday to talk about The Fourth Finger. I’ll also do a reading from the book. If you are free and want to come over, you’re very welcome. Details are in the poster below: And now for today’s episode, which is two-in-one. Enjoy! . . . . . “Sir, I’d like to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.” Wura gives Kasiobi a jaded stare. She is on the verge of her fourth episode of tears, having cried in different chapters on her way to the Ditorusins. Family lunch, they call it. But to her it is torture. Forcing herself to watch people laugh and chatter heartily, to pretend to be happy as them, to plaster a constant grin on her face, is worse than how she is already feeling. She desires…

Best Man Duty #13

Read previous episodes of Best Man Duty Accuracy with time was needed in my trip to Port Harcourt and I had that on my side. There has to be something good about Cynthia as all that has to do with her always falls into place. I had told Sam that Cynthia would meet me at the airport but there was a change. The client I was to meet offered to send me a pick up vehicle owing to the fact that he needed to get things sorted fast and fly top Abuja for another meeting. I had no choice but to go with his arrangement, and with that went all my rehearsed airport reunion with Cynthia. “Jus lemme know how to hook up wif u when you’re done” I grinned again. She would not even complain that I informed her late about the change. Of course, maybe I had been…

Best Man Duty #12

Previous episodes of Best Man Duty Time was favourable when I locked eyes with Cynthia at the wedding reception. It however stopped being my friend when she came back to sit and chat with me. I really cannot remember how long ago I thoroughly enjoyed time with someone; I mean time enough to shut the whole world out. As I reminisced on the outing, and our first serious interaction after Sam’s wedding, I knew I had been struck by an arrow. We went straight to be with The Clan at The Meeting Point for the rest of that Saturday evening. The boys noticed my unusual quiet and asked to know what was going on. The idiot that knew just told them “he’s tired, emotionally and mentally” and his fellow fools started laughing. I did not bother to dignify them with any response. I just continued with my chicken and chips…

It’s Another Novocaine Saturday #6

I love you guys. I don’t even know how to start expressing how much. When I said show me love on Bellanaija, I didn’t know y’all will take it that seriously. I was dumbfounded when I saw the comments. Good Lord! Na so una love me? How do I say thank you? How do I show my gratitude? The love you expressed in the comment section doubled the sales of the book, beating Fish Brain Madhouse records which has been there since January. Hmmmm… Thanks a lot. And here’s that my famous kiss. So in retaliation, I will give the book freely to three lucky peeps next week. Today, enjoy IANS. I’ll see you in the comment section.. . . . “Awwww.” “Isn’t this the cutest sight?” I groan loudly. I don’t know for how much longer I can sit in this car with indecisive females and take one more…

Naija Heels On Cobbled Streets #7 By Olajumoke Omisore

“Get me a drink.”    Niyi told Andrew after Clara drove off. He would have darted after her if Andrew hadn’t stopped him. “That’s not a good idea. Ignore the girl. You don’t want to unleash that demon you become when you drink.” Niyi didn’t feel like a demon-to-be. He felt like a victim. The one chosen to be the butt of their joke. His head was spinning as if he had already consumed a whole barrel. “Get me a fucking drink.” Niyi shouted at Andrew with the force of the rage, ripping him apart from the inside. And as soon as Andrew disappeared back into the pub, he turned his attention to the ash bucket next to the flowerbed and kicked it so hard, its content flew into the road. He walked back in, feeling the need to curb the rage that had manifested in his balled fists. Andrew…

Naija Heels On Cobbled Streets #5 By Olajumoke Omisore

Read Previous Episodes Of Naija Heels On Cobbled Streets Sade remained in the same position, staring at him as if he had just announced that he had five wives and a mistress back home. “Andrea is Jennifer’s sister,” Niyi added. “Lovely to meet you.” Andrea stepped forward, holding out a slim hand that had a gold bracelet on its wrist. Sade shook the hand. Her lungs filled with air again, relieved that the woman wasn’t much more. She couldn’t remember if Jennifer ever mentioned having a sister. Not that the women looked anything alike. Andrea’s eyes were olive green. Jennifer’s were brown and she had the oomph of someone that knew how to live which wasn’t apparent in this woman’s polite manners. Andrea left for home after the introduction, telling Sade it was lovely to meet her again. Sade relaxed a bit but she still couldn’t shake the uneasiness that…

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