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The Scratch On Your Shoulder #2

Read the previous episode of The Scratch On Your Shoulder here Nero hated funerals. They were all the same to him. Slow and depressing.  Just like this one. Almost everyone had something to say about the person who had passed away; even though he had made it known repeatedly that he didn’t want anybody washing him with head-swelling words. “Dance in remembrance of me. Meet new people. Eat, drink, and get drunk. Then have one-night stands. All on me!” The video was out there on Twitter. It had over a million views and was massively shared on Facebook and Instagram too. Yet, people showed up for the occasion with long faces and saggy shoulders.  “Who are all these people for fuck’s sake?” Nero asked his fiancée, Joy, who was standing beside him. She hushed him. So, he chose to stare at the coffin, instead. It was black, perfectly furnished. Nero…

Where To Find Breasts #5

Click here to read previous episodes of Where To Find Breasts Happy Father’s Day! Yenkat hated blind dates. She didn’t believe that they had anything good to offer. They were akin to rolling a die and expecting to find a number greater than 6 or hoping to draw a joker from a standard 52-card deck. The chances of either of those happening was as slim as a perfect man falling from heaven. This was Yenkat’s dilemma. She wasn’t searching for a man, but she was going on blind dates, hoping that she found a good one. A man worthy of her time, intellect and body. All in a bid to keep from going deep with Omar who was fulfilling his promise of making her fall for him. It wasn’t easy to stop herself from feeling many kinds of ways when she got his random morning phone calls. To start with,…

Where To Find Breasts #2

Read the first episode of Where To Find Breasts There were a few things as refreshing as a cold shower on a bad mood. Alcohol was one of them. Food as well. Maybe a deep tissue massage, followed by a long, restful night in a bed of feather-soft blankets. Yenkat wanted all of that. It was better than breaking into tears. The last thing she wanted was to cry. She had done so much of that in the past because of Dashe. He had been a brother from hell. Selfish and unrepentant. Many times, she had given him a chance, and in each occasion, he had blotched it. He wasn’t worth her tears. Yet, Yenkat felt pain so deep, it drowned her. The cold shower felt good. Yenkat stayed under it longer than she usually would. La Roux’s Trouble In Paradise album was playing in her bedroom. Dashe had introduced…

Novocaine Knights #4

PREVIOUS EPISODES WURA Not today. Wura groaned and fought hard from stomping her foot in agitation. She was having a bad day already. First, she had had another of her nightmares. Second, Mahmud was yet to call her; it was a week since they last spoke and she had called twice and gotten an engaged line. Third, she was late for church. Fourth, an unsightly zit had popped up above her upper lip. Fifth, her skirt was a little too tight and she didn’t have a replacement. And sixth, her period appeared from the blue, which would explain the fourth and fifth. Jesus, why me? She groaned and took off her stained underwear. She flung it in a bucket in her bathroom and hurried out to the sitting room, a towel around her body. Checking to see that Kasi was nowhere in sight, she called out, “sanitary pad, anyone! Two…

It’s Another Novocaine Saturday #19

Good morning. I just want to announce to you that I’ll be at the Grill and Read Lagos on Sunday to talk about The Fourth Finger. I’ll also do a reading from the book. If you are free and want to come over, you’re very welcome. Details are in the poster below: And now for today’s episode, which is two-in-one. Enjoy! . . . . . “Sir, I’d like to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.” Wura gives Kasiobi a jaded stare. She is on the verge of her fourth episode of tears, having cried in different chapters on her way to the Ditorusins. Family lunch, they call it. But to her it is torture. Forcing herself to watch people laugh and chatter heartily, to pretend to be happy as them, to plaster a constant grin on her face, is worse than how she is already feeling. She desires…

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