This article is long in coming. I apologize for the absence.
If you havenβt read my article on orgasms, you can do so here
I’d like toΒ go further with reasons why you are not having orgasms. But before we do so, Iβd prefer to explain to you why you shouldnβt ever fake an orgasm. In our times today, there is so much pressure on women and men to act certain ways during sex. This has been heightened by pornography, articles on the web, peer pressure and other forms of sex material we come across daily. There is that need for either of the sexes to be at their top performance when making love and although it is not a bad thing, it should first be noted that sex is not about pressure.
Itβs about release, expression, feelings, rest, exhilaration, action, reaction, skill, pleasure and love. If you are not in your place of comfort, you should not be having sex. And when I say comfort, I mean physically, emotionally and psychologically. I prefer to talk about sexΒ in an all-encompassing way. I don’tΒ believe in meaningless or disconnected sex. There should be a deep connection between you and your manΒ during the act. I think it is necessary to understand that once the whole of you is invested in lovemaking, you should leave no room for half-truths. If you are not getting any form of satisfaction from your partner, you should go ahead and tell him.
Do not fake orgasms, ladies. Once you start, you wonβt be able to stop. It will not better your sex life, you will be left unsatisfied every single time and you will not help your partner be a better lover. This also can push you to seek your pleasure. I am not against that but if your reason for pleasuring yourself is because your man cannot do so just for the reason that you have been boosting his ego with lies, then youβre going to end up a miserable, unsatisfied, masturbating addict.
I understand your reason could be that you donβt want to hurt his feelings. Good. But not so good in the long run. If you canβt be honest about that little, intimate thing in your life, what does it say about your entire relationship? Do you want to start fantasizing about some mystery man who hits your g-spot? I donβt think so.
Be open and be honest with him. If you are finding it hard having an orgasm, tell him and you two can seek for help. Fortunately, I have come up with some possible reasons why having an orgasm is hard for you.
- Guilt
Thereβs something in our profession we call a guilty vagina. And it comes in different faces. You could be guilty because you feel that what youβre doing is a sin. Or you could be guilty because you have something you are hiding from your man. Or it could be a past of reckless living or just past abuse, and you still carry the load on your shoulders. These are orgasm killers. You will never get there if you harbor guilt.
- Body Issues
You donβt feel sexy. You want sex with the lights turned off. Youβre not confident about your body. You think you have too much fat. Youβre not sure your underwear is clean. Youβre not sure your vagina is clean. All these issues can keep you from getting to the peak of your sexual pleasure.
- Your Body is a Stranger
How often I have come across women who would tell me βGod forbid! I can never touch myself!β And in the end they complain about not being able to enjoy sex or amount to anything in bed. Hereβs my thought, regardless of what reasons anyone gives against exploring your body, it was made for you to discover. Take the g-spot, for example, which gives you orgasms. How would your man know where itβs located if you donβt tell him? And how would you know if you donβt discover it by yourself? Not every man is skilled in finding a womanβs g-spot; therefore, it is his womanβs job to let him know what works. But if she doesnβt know anythingΒ about her equipment, then itβs a loss for them both, her especially.
- Health Issues
Illnesses like multiple sclerosis and diabetes affect the nerves. This, in turn can cause anorgasmia or make orgasm difficult to attain. Also certain surgeries like when a woman takes out her ovaries or if she undergoes cancer treatment, this might diminish sexual pleasure or even desire.
- Wrong Partner
(Note if youβre married, this point does not apply to you; move to point 6). Above, I talked about being connected to your partner physically, emotionally, psychologically and sometimes spiritually. These are needed most times before you can get there, especially when youβre in a long-term relationship. You have to connect to him in more ways than one. The appeal of one-night stands and quick satisfaction might be exciting but it begins to leave a bad taste in your mouth. We women are creatures of love and affection. In our twenties, we could indulge in meaningless sex but as we get older and more sexually liberated and stimulated, we search for something more meaningful and deeper. From your man, you need and have to give total sex of the mind, of the heart and of the body. Anything less can leave you unsatisfied.
- Unskilled Lover
It could be that you have the right partner but heβs seven years away from doing it good for you. He might not necessarily be a one-minute man and may even last long in bed but he lasts long doing nothing. Iβve often said that the best sex doesnβt always have to last so long. It requires two people who understand and adore each otherβs bodies.
- You are the Unskilled Lover
We often hear men who complain about how their women just lie in bed during sex, and are disconnected from lovemaking. I donβt know why this happens but many women believe sex is a man thing. Good and fine. If it is, then find a way to make your man happy.
- Youβre hung up on Having an Orgasm Badly
Trust me, this is an orgasm killer. I have been there in the past and I never got any good results. I was so desperate to have that awesome moment that I never let myself enjoy the sex. So, Iβll lie there, willing it to come, concentrating so hard on the pleasurable sensations I was getting for my husband and trying to push it to its max but in the end, Iβll end up having nothing but an angry ending. Lovemaking needs you to relax and go with the flow; not all sessions lead to orgasms.
In conclusion, Iβd like to add that sex is best enjoyed in a loving relationship and should never be the first goal when you get to meet someone. From experience, I have come to the conclusion that the people that experience the best sex are those who have been together for a while, contrary to what you might read on the net or in novels or see in movies. But not everyone has the βoneβ and that is why weβre here to help you build up a wealth of knowledge for when that βoneβ eventually comes. Weβre also here to give you tips on how to get that βoneβ and how to appreciate who you are while waiting.
Mrs. Anonymous
thanks for the advice
You’re welcome, Nat
Great article, very on point. Thanks Mrs. Anonymous, I always look forward to reading from u. Keep up the good work. Regards to Mr. A.
π he’ll hear Miss. Dee
Thank you
Another educative n interesting piece. Thanks to u guys n thanks 2 Sally for making this happen.
Yes, Sally makes things happen around here.
Thank you, Kany
This is a very nice piece. Helpful. How do I send a personal email to you for questions?
Thank you, Cutie. Send your emails to mranmrsanonymous@yahoo.com
Thank you, Nat
Hmmm…let’s hit the share button π