As promised…although it’s coming very late. Goodnight, ye nightcrawlers
Evening falls and I am chill. I have turned off the air conditioners and parted the curtains to let the air in. I have switched off the lights too. Jiney is asleep and I have the house all to myself. A glass of wine, a bowl of chicken, a collection of my favorite songs and Iβm fighting depression like a pro.
Okay, not really like a pro. I feel far from ace but I will pretend that everything is fine. My doctor wonβt write me a prescription for the sake of Jiney, although he admits that the pills wouldnβt have any effects on her.
βTalk it out with your husband, Honey,β he advises me. βIf you settle your fight with him, Iβm certain youβll feel better. If you donβt, then come back to me.β
So, here I am, listening to I Fall to Pieces, but holding it together, hoping Nne has gotten through to her sonβs blockhead and heβll come home to me.
The baby monitor makes a sound and Jineyβs scream comes next. I break away from my βme timeβ and hurry to She who must be fed. I bring her back to the living room and we activate nursing mode. As usual, she sucks me dry until I almost fall asleep. When she is satisfied, she goes back to bed without even as much as giving me a smile. After I put her away, I slip into my nightshirt. Itβs 8pm already and I doubt that Jide will come home tonight. Suddenly the chicken and wine lose their appeal. I am on my way to dumping them in the kitchen when I hear Jideβs car making it into the compound. Itβs a sound I have missed. However, I hold back from my usual running to the door to welcome him. Instead, I take a leisurely walk to it, unlock it and waitβ¦
But he does not come in. He takes the backdoor, and I do not realize this until he calls me.
I turn around to see my husband in scrubs with a contrite smile and hands bearing gifts.
βIβm so sorry, sugams.β
βMe too.β I give off something between a laugh and a muffled sob as I rush to him. When I throw my arms around him, the gifts hit the floor. He is about to speak but I hush him with my lips over his. I rape the manβs mouth which is by the way, the sweetest thing ever. I can see he still wants to apologize but really who apology epp when hormones are on a high?
Soon my hotstuff responds to my urgency with the same fire and weβre flinging clothes to the floor. I push him to one of the couches. I go after him. I use my mouth on him, tasting, nibbling, licking, sucking. I get him speaking in strange languages. I handle that tool like a boss. By the time Iβm done with it, it will nod only to me.
But Jide cannot wait. He stops me, pulls me to him and takes my waist. I am lifted by strong arms and I sink down on him. We stop for a second and I smile for no reason as his fingers dig into my bum.
βDo your thing, Hon.β
And I do my thing. I do my man. In a way I had never done before. I am savage. Blame it on Hauwa and the wild imaginings in my head. Nne has told me to trust my husband but this mind of mine will not stop thinking the worst. Anyways, I have decided to channel my insecurity into better use and Jide will be happier for it.
βYouβre crazy, you know that?β he says to me in-between inaudible sounds of pleasure. I laugh, stop and lower myself to kiss him. He pushes my hair which has fallen over his face backwards and buries his fingers in to deepen the kiss.
βI love you, Hon.β
βMe too, baby.β
I go back to my former position. The ride is wilder this time and Jide cannot just keep quiet. You know when a man gets it so good he starts to call you all the sweet and nasty names you ever heard. He even promises you heaven on earth.
βiPhone 7,β I request.
βYes! iPhone 7 with the EarPods. Chai! This woman, youβll kill me.β
And kill him I do β when I stop just as he is at the brink, and finish it off with some mouth love, giving him a full brain drain. He dies for some minutes, unable to speak or move. I microwave the chicken and serve it with chilled wine. Both naked, we lie under the coziness of a blanket in our bedroom. He then takes his time to explain to me who Hauwa is to him. Although I feel better now that I know thereβs absolutely nothing between them, I am jealous of their relationship. I want that with him β the friendship part. We donβt have it yet. Weβre still lovers. I want to be his best friend. No other woman should take that spot.
βBut why did you get angry and walk away like that, hotstuff?β I ask, circling my finger around a mole on his thigh.
βI was angry, thatβs all.β
βThatβs not all, Jide. Something pushed you. You donβt get angry like that. It builds up. What pushed you?β
He lets out a long sigh. βCan I sit up for this?β
βSure.β
He pulls down the blanket and rests his back on a pillow as he sits straight.
βThis is going to be brutally honest, Hon. Youβre sure you want to hear it?β
My heart misses a beat. βYou cheated again?β
βNo, no, no. Haba, Erhinyuse. Trust me nau. Trust your husband. I promised that Iβll never touch another woman. I even just told you that I never cheated on you with Hauwa. Why canβt you just trust me?β
The sadness in his tone gets me sad as well. βIβm sorry.β
It takes him some time to recover from my accusation and go back to what he wants to say.
βRemember when you put me through one week of hell after I confessed to you that I cheated on you in Zanzibar?β
βYeah?β
βAnd how a wedding date was fixed and all?β
βYeah?β
βHoneyβ¦ the truth isβ¦ I wasnβt ready to get married. I felt kind of forced into it. Marriage was not what I wanted at the time.β
I shift away from him a little. This is not consciously; my body just shifts away.
βI understood that you were pregnant and didnβt want to be showing at the wedding and that also, you needed to stamp yourself in my life, following what I had doneβ¦ I understood, but I wasnβt ready. My own plan was for us to have the baby and then fix a date. So much had happened to me in a short whileβthe accident, my neurological issues, my infidelityβ¦ I didnβt want any of that carried into our marriage. I wanted a clean slate, to heal properly, to go to therapy with you, to help you with your depression, to enjoy being pregnant with you. I wanted to know you better, Erhinyuse, to become your best friend through our struggles. There was so much we could have done without the pressure of marriage.
βBut you wanted the fairytale so badly you took all the issues between us and slathered them over with a magical wedding. I was hurting inside. I felt hamstrung. But I didnβt want you to know because I was scared to kick off your bipolar. I just wanted you to be happy. You needed to know that I was not like every other man out there, and so even when you bugged my phone again and the spy detection app I installed informed me, I was silent. When you said you didnβt feel like sex because of the pregnancy, I didnβt complain. And when you became a pregzilla and constantly demanded for an arm and a foot, I gave you all you wanted, denying my own pleasures. For me, the marriage came too early. The wedding spoiled a good thing. Resentment built up in me and I didnβt even know. When Hauwa came into the scene, I didnβt decide to hang out with her just to spite you. No, it was just a window to get away, to be reminded of who I was before I bore the husband title.
βIt was wrong to seek that in her. I should have come to you, spoken to you and together weβll trace our way back but no, I enjoyed the escape. And so when we had our fight on Sunday, I snapped. I am sorry I held all of that for so long, Hon.β
He looks at my face and sees it covered with tears. He slips back into the blanket.
βPlease, donβt cry.β
βIβm so sorry, Jide. I didnβt know you didnβt want to get married.β
βI didnβt say that, Use. I said I was not ready at the time. Are you crazy? How can I not want to marry the most beautiful woman in the world? Who will I now leave you with? Youβre my best friend.β
βI am?β
He wipes my tears. βYou are.β
βNot Hauwa or Tomiwa?β
βHave you seen me near Mary of late? Abeg o! Sheβs somebody elseβs property. Just like youβre mine.β He kisses my nose. βYou and I will love like thereβs no tomorrow but please, learn to trust me. Iβll never cheat on you.β
βBut can Hauwa just disappear already?β
βYou feel threatened by her?β
βNope,β I lie.
βHauwa wants to settle down. Badly. So, if you can give her one of your male friends, she will forever be loyal.β
I have no intention of doing that so I keep my mouth shut.
βDo you want to eat microwaved popcorn and watch Power or just make love?β Jide asks.
βPower, popcorn and your fine ass,β I reply, my hand stroking his junk, which is already hard, by the way.
βYouβre looking for trouble, sugar lips.β He throws off the blanket, climbs over me and soon heβs filling every inch of me. Power and popcorn come much later, after I have been made love to like a princess, pounded like a whore and eaten out like a honey pot.
Itβs almost midnight now and Jiney has had another feed. Jide changes her diapers while I make popcorn and then we both cuddle up to watch Power. We havenβt quite gone into it when my phone rings.
βItβs Yazmin,β I tell Jide.
βAgain? What has Mex done this time?β
I take the call.
βHoney, I sent you some messages on Whatsapp. Please check them.β
βIs everything okay?β
βNoβ¦ ermβ¦I donβt know. I Justβ¦ please, check them and tell me what to do.β
βOkay.β
She goes off the line. I get on Whatsapp and see two messages from her, telling me that Emeka has just left the house to Omohβs place.
-Why?
-I dunno
-Who gave him Omohβs address?
-He got it from me
-How did you know the way to Omohβs house??
-He sent it to me. He invited me over
-And you went?
-NO!
-Wait, you mean you didnβt block him as I advised???
-I did but he went on Twitter and sent me a DM and then Papi saw it and now heβs on his way there. Please, help. Do I go after him
-Are you alright? Itβs 12 midnight. Stay back.
-Ok
-But you sef you light a fire and sit back to watch it burn. I have a feeling youβre enjoying this
-I am not, I swear
I roll my eyes. Yazmin is quite dumb for not completely blocking Omoh from all her social media accounts. You donβt deal with creepy men using kids gloves, unless you like the attention. I have a feeling she enjoys getting a rise out of Emeka.
And the Omoh person, he clearly needs to be buried alive for a few minutes. He had promised me when we met earlier today in his office that he would back off Yazmin, although he insisted that she didnβt deserve to be anyoneβs second wife. Whatβs with sending his house address to her?
And finally, Mex cum Papi cum hothead brother-in-law, what is he thinking heβs up to?
-Yaz, if things get hairy, call me or Jide
-Sure. Thanks
I dump my phone on the nightstand and relate to Jide details of the chat.
βShould we step in?β I ask.
βNope. Theyβre adults. Ignore them jare.β
He drags me close and nestles me between his legs. Soon his fingers begin to work on my nipples.
βReally?β I ask as I feel him grow hard again.
βYou starved me for seven months, maβam.β
βSo you want to catch up in one night?β
βJust the tip. I promise.β
βJideβ¦β I whine but weakly. I still need more of him even though my body is exhausted. Well, one more orgasm wonβt hurt.
He moves me into a spooning position and gently slides into me. When he starts moving, my body falls into a relaxed state. This is his famous sleep potion. Itβs pleasurable, at the same time soothing.
I donβt know when I fall asleep.
ββββΒ ββββΒ ββββ
Party Celia is back, and it takes me less than twenty-four hours to put together a Saturday shindig, inviting all our friends. I had not bothered with the little details of preparing the small chops. I simply called a catering service and made orders. This was after I had a set of furniture and curtains brought into the new house. It seems I am beginning to enjoy the effects of being able to afford stuff. Things happen at the click of your fingers when you have the means.
I love our new home. The rent is on debt, though. A certain sum will be taken out of Shadyβs salary until it is all paid off; this fundamentally means that he is stuck with Ibro for a while. But itβs a good deal since Shady is a massive hit to the business in the short time he has been there.
βI went there, knowing nothing about selling cars,β he tells me as we both fix the new curtains.
βBut youβve always been a fantastic salesman, Shade.β
He bends to give me a kiss on my nose. He loves when I call him Shade. No one else does that.
βAt that your stupid, old job, they overused and underpaid you,β I reminded him, passing him a pole and a pair of curtains.
βWell, I kept all the details of their clientele and sent them newsletters. Ibro didnβt want to do a slash on the prices at first. But after a one-week test run, he was singing a different tune. Now, he wants us to extend it to a month. I told him it would be too much of a good thing. We need to maintain our standard.β
Dara strolls in with her sippy cup in her hand. βMommy, tea.β She points it at me. I follow her to the kitchen, make some hot chocolate for her and we return to Shady.
βHow about Nollywood? Donβt you want to act anymore?β
He looks at me. βBabe, do you want us to go down that road again or do you want to make money?β
βJust asking.β I pass over the last set of curtains to him. Dara and I watch him fix them and three of us stand back to enjoy the beautiful mix of rainbow colors on all four windows.
βItβs beautiful,β he mentions and then rests his chin on my head. βYou color my world, Cee. Donβt ever leave me again.β
I smile.
βDaddy?β Dara lifts both hands in the air at him.
βYes, babe?β
βTea.β
βDidnβt you just drink some now?β I question her.
βTea,β she repeats, her face coming to a sob. Shady lifts her up and takes her to the kitchen.
βYou are spoiling that girl, Shadrach.β I go around picking little bits of gold threads and discarded dΓ©cor pieces from the floor. When Iβm almost through, I remember I have a phone call to make. I take a break from cleaning and call Naomi.
βHi sweetheart,β she answers.
βMorning, Naomi.β
βHow was your night?β
βGood. Yours?β
βAwesome. The husband came home last night. He was smelling of roses. You know I hate roses. No lipstick stain, this time. Thank God. But I found a red strand of hair on his shoulder. Red, synthetic hair. How can he stoop so low?β
This is not why I called. I am not interested in what happens in her marriage but she never gets the memo.
βIβm sorry to hear that, Nay.β
βThanks. I should get me my own little sidechick, you know?β
βHopefully sheβs not me.β
βHopefully, she is.β
βAnyways, Iβm calling to remind you of my little get-together this evening. Are you coming?β
βYes. but just briefly. The husband and I are having sex tonight. Iβm ovulating. He wants this baby badly.β
Naomi is not interested in having a kid. Her husband believes that she has infertility issues but nothing is wrong with her. She is on the pill and he has no idea.
βNay, soon heβll find out the truth. You canβt pay off every hospital to keep lying to him.β
βUntil he finds out, my womb stays untouched.β
βSo youβre coming?β
βYeah, dear.β
βOkay. See you by seven.β
After I drop the call, Shady and I put everything together to ensure that the party turns out well. Daylight breezes by speedily and darkness skulks in. Bobby and Kate are the first to arrive, owing to Bobbyβs punctual nature. I hear that these days he is busy with a small tech hub he opened on the island. It is particularly set up for students and for people like him who have other things taking up their time but are crazy about IT. I hear Kate manages the hub well.
We hug as they walk in. Kate hands me a bottle of wine while fighting off their chubby son who feels the wine should not belong to me. We have a laugh over it and I point her to a couch.
Mary and Ekene are next. My former best friend embraces me like I have just returned from the dead. She asks me a lot of questions in a short stretch of one minute. She wants to catch up before the other wives come. I donβt have time for that as I hear the doorbell ringing again.
I dash for it and we have Peace smiling at me like the freaking sun. Behind her is her German boyfriend. I wonder if he finally got circumcised.
Next are Jide and Honey. They are wearing matching traditional attires, having just left a wedding. I tell them they look adorable. Honey hands me the fourth bottle of wine for the evening, and as they walk in to join the others, Jide holds her from behind, whispering into her ear. I smile at them. They give all of us relationship goals.
Lastly, her highness, Noka, steps in with Ibro.
βAnd she finally comes home,β she mutters after giving me an up and down look. βNice wedges, sha. Prada?β
I nod. You canβt fault Nokaβs eye for fashion. She always hits it on the head, although I feel like when it comes to wearing the chicest outfits, Honey is queen.
βHi, Ibro.β
Ibro gives me an unexpected hug and whispers into my ear, βyou did us all a solid by disappearing. It would be nice if it keeps happening.β
I laugh and he lets me go.
βHow are you, though?β
βIβm good and Iβm indebted to you, Ibrahim.β
βBa yawa. We were just upset that you guys hid what was going on for so long. Why?β
I look down in embarrassment.
βWell, we thank God that all is good now. If you need anythingβ¦β
βJust call me,β Noka chips in with a smile that says βdonβt you dare go near my husband.β
βThank you, Ibro,β I answer.
They walk in and the others hail them with cheerful shouts. I grin. I have missed this. All of itβfriends, laughter, naughtiness and a good time. I have the whole package for them tonight.
It starts with light conversation. Over drinks and small chops, we catch up on what has been going on in each otherβs lives. I notice I havenβt missed anything much, save for the pictures a certain Hauwa lady shared of Jide and herself in Canada. Jide gets the heat from all of us and we demand he issues a dramatic apology to Honey even though he keeps explaining that they are past the issue.
βApologize, oga.β Noka passes around her phone where she has saved the photos.
βYou people should leave my hubs alone, biko,β Honey protests. We all shut her down. Jide must apologize.
He leaves his space beside her and stands in front of her. We are all expecting him to swing out some magical words but Jide lowers and gives her a long French kiss that leaves all of us embarrassed.
βYou guys shouldnβt have insisted,β Bobby comments, breaking the intense silence.
βE don do o!β Noka claps, stopping them.
βLeave them alone,β Peace hushes her and stares longingly. I doubt that she is still seeing Reno. The German is becoming a fixture in her life.
Finally, the lovebirds part lips.
βTwo of you are so shameless,β Mary says.
βLook who is talking,β Honey throws back.
Ekene politely asks for a drink of water. I dash into the kitchen to bring another round of drinks. Mary comes along and I hand her a tray containing small glasses of cocktail.
βWhat are they for?β
βYouβll see.β
When we return to the living room, we meet the others arguing over something political. Itβs not the way I want the evening to go, so I take over the mood and announce that I have a game for them.
βThis is why Iβm actually here,β Bobby exclaims in a dance.
βWeβve actually missed your silly games, Cee,β Mary mentions.
βThank you, fam.β I curtesy. βSo, down to business. This game is called Never Have I Ever. Iβm sure you guys know itβ¦β
βI donβt,β Ibro states.
βWell, itβs simple,β I say, pulling out a piece of paper from my jean pocket. βOn this paper, I have over a hundred statements that describe acts starting with the line Never Have I Ever. When I read out anyone and you have ever done it, you will indicate by having a drink of whatβs on that second tray. I know we have two breastfeeding mommies here, so weβll have them drop five hundred bucks each time they have ever been guilty of anything I read out. If you know youβre going to be driving. please, drop five hundred bucks. Donβt worry. I have change, a whole bundle of hundreds.β
βWhat will you do with the money, madam?β Noka asks.
βItβs for charity, dear. So, are we ready?β
Enthusiastic nods meet my question. I smile evilly. They have no idea what awaits them. I take my seat.
βNever have I ever watched porn with someone else.β
A general gasp spreads across the room as they all stare at each other. Jide breaks the silence by reaching for a drink. Laughter follows and other hands go for cocktails. Honey drops five hundred naira. Only Kate and Mary do neither.
βTomiwa, youβve never watched porn with someone else before?β I probe.
βI have never watched porn before. Period.β
βThatβs a lie!β Bobby counters. βIn school, you walked in on me and my exβ¦β
βAbeg o!β
ββ¦watching porn. You remember?β
βI walked in and walked out. Remember I freaked out? Since then, I have never ever watched it again.β
βHoliness aunty,β Noka murmurs. βDey carry Bible for your head.β
βWorefa. Continue jare.β
I read out the next statement. βNever have I ever taken someoneβs virginity.β
βJisos!β Bobby exclaims. We all laugh. But Jide, again, takes the lead. We glare at him. He downs his drink before he answers.
βWe were teenagers. She wasnβt my first, though.β
Ekene goes next and everyone holds back stares, avoiding Honeyβs eyes. We all know the love story they once shared. Bobby is third to pick a drink.
βBut of course,β Jide says. Kate hides her face in a hanky.
βAnyone else?β
There are no more candidates, so I reach forward and take a drink. Shadyβs mouth drops open as do the others.
βYou guys donβt want to know. Moving on!β I read out the third statement. βNever have I ever lied to protect a cheating friend.β
All the wives give their husbands accusatory glances as fresh laughter erupts. But I surprise them and go first. Gasps replace the laughter; they fix their eyes on me downing the cocktail. When I put the glass back on the tray, I catch Nokaβs glare. I hold it but she looks away.
The men follow my lead. Kate drops a thousand naira note and I give her five hundred.
I read on. βNever have I ever woken up next to a complete stranger.β
βEverybody, abeg pick a glass and drink!β Ibro yells as Shady refills empty glasses.
βYβall hoes,β Honey says, going first. βIβll own my shame.β
I watch them all down their drinks. Kate and I are the only ones who have never woken up to total strangers.
βBehold, my wife in whom I am well pleased.β Shady blows me a kiss. I catch it and place it on my chest.
βNot like you met her a virgin,β Noka sneers.
βMoving on!β I cut her off, and continue with the game. My questions get more interesting and downright nasty. More drinks, more mirth and things wind up in the course of an hour. No one is colossally tipsy because I had ensured, while making the cocktail, that the alcohol percentage doesnβt cause any drunkenness.
βCelia, itβs good to have you back,β Jide tells me.
βThanks.β
βWe missed this.β
βMe too,β I reply. I begin to clear the table. Mary and Peace offer to help me. Honey joins them and we all walk to the kitchen.
βSo, where did you go, aunty?β Mary probes. βYou look so fresh and fluffy.β
βYou should travel more often,β Honey adds. βIt suits you.β
βThanks, girls.β
βWhere exactly did you go?β Noka comes in.
I face her. βFiji.β
βYour girlfriend took you there?β
βSheβs not my girlfriend, Noks.β
βWhat girlfriend?β Honey and Peace ask simultaneously.
I place wine glasses in the sink. I have anticipated this moment and prepared a response.
βI just wanted to get away and Naomi was going on a short vacation and she took me along.β
βShe didnβt kiss you again or anything like that?β Peace is genuinely worried.
βNo, she didnβt.β
βYouβre sure?β
I chuckle. βIβm sure, P. By the way, she offered me a job which involves me traveling the world with her.β
βWhat type of job is that?β Mary queries.
βPersonal consultant.β
Peace takes on a βmommy countenanceβ. βAnd you said no, right?β
βActually, I said yes.β
Everyone stops what theyβre doing to focus on me.
βWhy, Cee?β Peaceβs voice is broken. βYouβll leave Dara and Shady and follow a woman who forced her lips on you and told you she wanted an affair with you?β
βNa wa o!β Noka claps her hands. βNothing we no go hear.β
βThatβs not a sound decision coming from you, Cee,β Mary asserts.
βCan I explain myself?β
They give permission. I tell Kate who has just stepped in to shut the door. As she does, I take a pose with crossed arms.
βI really need this job. Not for the money, not for the long haul. I need it for now.β
βWhy?β Honey asks.
βGirls, that slap Shady gave me woke me up. It made me think about my life and where I am headed as a person, as a woman. Money has always been an issue for us as a couple. I had had dreams. Huge dreams for us, but none of them came true; and for a moment it seemed like life was passing me by. In fact, life passed me by for a while. And then I went to Fiji and saw that there was a world out there that I wanted to be part of.
βI am not leaving my marriage or my kid. I am justβ¦trying to live. When you get married, you leave a lot of yourself behind. Your goals become about you and your husband β and then the kids, when they start popping out. And so, you abandon yourself and years go by and you realize that youβre now old and you canβt find the person you used to be or the dreams you used to have.
βI donβt want to be a statistic. I want to have a story to tell my kids one day, of how I traveled the world and of all the places Iβve been and people I met. I donβt want to be some plain, old Jane who wakes up one day and regrets what she could have been, or if she could have had it better.β
βAwww, this is inspiring,β Noka utters blandly. βI actually have tears in my eyes.β
Honey flashes her a nasty glare.
βBut youβve forgotten to add that the person who is flying you up and down to fulfil this your dream of discovering yourself actually wants to fuck you.β
βI know that, Noka.β
βAnd I have no squabbles with that, Celia. In short, go ahead and have an affair with her if that makes you happy. Itβs all part of your midlife crisis, yourβ¦self-discoveryβ¦ But please, make arrangements to get Dara a nanny so that your husband would stop taking her to work.β
βOjonoka!β Honey spins to face her.
βWhat?β
βI have had enough of your spitefulness! Enough! This is your last warning! If you do or say anything unkind to any of us from todayβ¦β
βYouβll do what?β Noka moves towards her.
βOh, please, try me.β Honey also takes a step forward.
βLadies, abeg,β Kate pleads. Noka laughs and claps her hands in a taunt but I can see on her face that she is scared of Honeyβs unspoken threat.
βOkay o. Iβll play nice before someone with mental issues claws out my eyes.β
Mary dives in-between them. βNoka, get out.β
βWhat did I do?β
βGet out!β Mary repeats.
Noka turns around, picks a samosa from a paper plate and leaves.
βHoney, ignore her words,β Mary begs.
βItβs fine. Itβs okay. She can joke about my issues as much as she likes but Iβll get her. Oh, Iβll so get her. She doesnβt know me.β
Angry, Honey also leaves the kitchen. I exhale sadly. This is not how I wanted the evening to turn out.
βItβs not your fault, Cee.β Mary rubs my back. βTheyβll both cool off. Honey will be back to say sheβs sorry.β
βShe doesnβt need to apologize,β Peace mutters. I see anger in her eyes too. βNoka has gotten out of hand. We need to do something about her.β
βCan we not make this beautiful evening about that dumb bitch?β Mary voices out in frustration. She holds my face. βCelia, I may not understand what youβre feeling or how badly you want to fulfil your itchy feet but Iβm solidly behind you. Just talk to Shady about it and make adequate plans for Dara. It would be nice if you even took her along on some of your trips. She is part of you. Justβ¦make sure you are not hurting her and Shady in the end. Okay?β
I nod. She hugs me. Peace joins in the hug.
βBut the moment that Naomi touches you inappropriately, please get on the next flight back to Nigeria after you give her a dirty slap.β
βTrust me nau.β
We break away and find Kate washing wine and cocktail glasses. We help her out and in minutes the kitchen is clean. On our way out, Honey comes back in. She pulls me aside.
βIβm sorry for what just happened here. Noka gets on my nerves with her attitude.β
βHoney, itβs fine. No need to apologize. You handled her fuckupβ¦β
βNot quite. Iβm planning for her. She feels sheβs better than all of us but Iβll show her that she isnβt. When I dig up dirt about her and expose her shitβ¦β
I shake my head. βNo need to, Hon.β
βI will o. Everyone has skeletons in their closet and Iβll find hersβ¦β
βTrust me, you donβt want to dig out Nokaβs. Just let it be.β
Jide pokes his head in. βIβm ready if you are, Hon.β
βGive me a second,β she responds. Jide thanks me for a wonderful night and leaves.
βTravel to anywhere you want to, Cee. Follow your heart but donβt forget those who need you.β
βI wonβt.β
Honey squeezes me, pecks my cheek and dashes out. One after the other, they leave, but Ibro stays back to tidy up business deals with Shady. While they sit at the dining table and pore over some papers, Noka follows me into Daraβs bedroom.
βNice place.β She looks around. Flowers, lush green lawn and butterflies are painted on the wall β all of Shadyβs doing. The bed, wardrobe and floor are all in different hues of pink that match the decor. I am proud of him for this. It seems I am not the only one who found myself after that slap. He has changed quite a lot. My going away also did him some good. Having learned to care for his child all alone and to clean the house too, he is now hands-on with domestic responsibilities. Who knew he had this shade to him?
βCelia?β Noka calls.
βYeah?β I reply. My hands are busy with Daraβs onesies.
βI know I come off as bitchy and insensitive but you know Iβm not like that, Cee. You know I love you. All I was trying to say in the kitchen before Honey went all savage on me is that having Dara being in the showroom with Shady is unprofessionalβ¦β
βDid you know that Dara is starting school on Monday?β
βShe is?β
βBut what do you care? Your mind is occupied with the next blowjob youβre going to give the father of your illegitimate son just because you canβt pay up the blackmail money he keeps increasing every year.β
Nokaβs shoulders slump down. βWhy are you bringing this up?β
βBecause your life is so perfect and one day Ibro will find out that the boy you call your little cousin is actually your son and you guys will live happily ever after.β
βPlease, donβt tell Honey this or sheβll use it against me.β
βIβm not going to tell on you but I will if you donβt stop being a bitch.β
βIβll try.β
βYouβd better.β
She watches me tuck Dara in and then she puts her arms around me for a hug. βGoodnight.β
βNight.β
She walks out of the bedroom and stops.
βHeβs asking for more than blowjobs now. The last time, he wanted me to go all the way. I told him I couldnβt. I gave him some money. That was why I couldnβt contribute when the girls suggested that we should give you something.β
βNoka, donβt sleep with him. And stop giving him head. Tell the truth.β
βHow?β
βJust do. Your son needs to know who he is and Ibro needs to know the truth.β
βI canβtβ¦β
βThen let us help you. Weβll tell our husbands and theyβll talk to him. Just stop lying and cheating on him.β
Her eyes glisten. βI canβt.β
Shady appears and she wipes her eyes subtly. βIbro is ready to leave. Are you ladies done?β
βYeah.β
I step out of Daraβs bedroom and together we walk to the sitting room. Shady and I escort them to their car. When they leave, we go back into the house and I find that my phone is ringing.
I put it to my ear.
βHi Naomi.β
A sobbing voice at the other end comes on. βCece?β
βNay, whatβs wrong?β
βCan you come over, please?β
βRight now?β
βYes. Please, come over. Pleaseβ¦β
I donβt ask her what is wrong. I quickly explain to Shady that she needs me. We already talked about her last night and in his opinion, she is no threat to our relationship. However, I am not sure he will feel the same way if I tell him of my travel plans.
βYou want me to drive you there?β he asks.
βNo, Iβm good.β
He passes me his car key and I hurry out of the house. I find that I am genuinely worried about Naomi. We had become quite close during the trip but solely as friends. I worry that something bad has happened to her.
When I arrive at her house and a maid leads me up to her bedroom, my breath is held.
I open the door. βNaomi?β
βIβm here,β she answers from the bathroom. I stroll through a messy room, not made untidy by habit but by what seems like a scuffle. I step over broken glass and cosmetics flung from the dressing table as I aim for the bathroom.
βCome in.β
I push the door open and find Naomi on the floor. I can hardly recognize her as her face is red and black and swollen into twice its size in certain places.
βNay?β
βHe found out, Cece. He found out Iβve been lying to him and he beat me. He almost killed me. He was choking me…β
Her voice is barely a whisper and fear rests on her face. I rush to her.
βLetβs get you to the hospital.β
I help her up and discover that the blood I see on the floor is from between her legs. The entire floor on which she sits is covered in a pool.
βHe wanted to kill me,β she repeats. βHe stomped on my tummy, telling me heβll destroy my womb since I wonβt carry his baby.β
I fume, mad at her a husband, a man I have neither seen nor spoken to. I help her out of her clothes and put her under the shower to wash away the mess. I need to clean her up before taking her to the hospital. I hope she hasnβt lost too much of blood.
βDonβt leave me,β she clutches my hands as the water hits her body.
βI wonβt.β
ββββΒ ββββΒ ββββ
Genesis is startled out of her sleep. She had gone to bed quite early after organizing some seminar for financial moguls. The day hadnβt been exactly fun for her, as Zach had gotten into a crying spell that threw her into an unpleasant mood. When she couldnβt handle his tantrum, she left him in the care of Iya Idaya.
Mamisi had also been contributory to her grumpiness. The old woman showed up unannounced and dumped a heap of clothes in the laundry room. Genesis scolded her and they got into a fight. Iya Idaya stepped in with an offer to launder the clothes but Genesis would have none of it. She asked Mamisi to leave, then stomped up the stairs and went straight to bed.
Now she is awake, not sure why she is. She turns off the air conditioners and opens the windows. The night is cold and the sky clear with a full moon.
Genesis walks back to her bed. She clutches her rosary and soon falls asleep.
She dreamsβ¦
On the bed, lying beside her is Dominic. Motionless. Stiff. Cold. Pale.
She wakes up with a scream, her heart pounding painfully in her chest. Her rosary is still clutched in her hand but she holds it tighter. She begins to pray. She is incoherent, her words disjointed. But she prays on, until she finds some peace.
She lies back again and falls asleep once more. There are no more bad dreams waiting. She makes it to the morning.
When she stirs up at daylight, her nose picks the strong scent of Dominicβs perfume but she doesnβt give it much thought. Having had nothing to eat last night, hunger drives her downstairs. She bursts into the kitchen and is surprised to find Dominic with the twins.
βNick?β
βLook whoβs finally awake!β he stretches a hand and she ambles to it.
βWhy are you here?β
βI missed you guys so much that I decided to come back.β
She bends for a kiss from him, and then delivers several pecks on her childrenβs cheeks.
βSeriously, why are you back?β
βI missed you guys nau. I canβt miss my family again?β
βIβm thinking that maybe Iβm still sleeping, so Iβll go back upstairs, crawl back into bed and wake up when morning comes.β
Dominic laughs heartily. βIβll come and show you that Iβm real.β
He calls for Iya Idaya and instructs her to continue feeding the kids. He drags Genesis upstairs. In their bedroom, he kisses her until she is breathless.
βWas that real enough or you need to wake up?β
He doesnβt let her answer. He kisses her again, lifting her nightshirt and kneading her backside.
βThis feels real,β she moans.
βNot quite yet.β
He tosses her to the bed. Her mouth salivates at the sight of his blatant erection. She has always been able to get completely turned on by just seeing him aroused, whether nude or clothed. The man is impressively endowed. She waits in anticipation as he undresses. He makes it clear that he isnβt in the mood for foreplay. She isnβt either. A week ago she had found him too clingy. Now, she doesnβt mind if he is stuck in her all day.
He falls on the bed and goes straight to business. He is wild and nasty, reminiscent of that first night they made love when he went into her apartment and demanded her body like he owned it. Time and work took that edge away. Their sex life remains awesome but nothing can be compared to that nightβ¦
Except this.
Soon, Genesis is screaming out his name. She has never been one to hold in her pleasure. She arches into his every possessive, powerful thrust. She gives back as she gets it but soon finds that she canβt match his energy. Not this morning, at least. This morning, itβs all about him and how much he can give.
So, she takes and takes until she runs out of staying power.
He stops, panting hard, body soaked in sweat.
βWhat on earth did you eat in Singapore, Ditorusin?β
He laughs and leaves for the bathroom. She falls back on the bed. Sheets wet. Genitals quivering.
When she finally catches her breath, a smile fills her face. As she begins to wonder what has come over her husband, her phone beeps.
She picks it up and thereβs a message from a foreign number.
Hi Genny. How are you doing? Iβm guessing Nick is at home now. Please, rush him to the hospital. He is not in top shape. He had a heart attack during our first meeting here. After a doctor cleared him, I put his ass back on a plane home. Please, have his doctor give him a check. Love, Seyi.
Genesis jumps out of bed and hurries to the bathroom in annoyance. She flings the door open.
βDomi, you had a heart attack and didnβt tell me?!β
Her movement halts. Her hand freezes in the air. Dominic is lying on the floor, eyes looking up at the celling.
βCall the ambulance,β he rasps.
Β©Sally@moskedapages
Images:Β welscua.blogspot.com, eroticnoire, blackmomsblog
Awww!
Thanks Sal!
I’m up working late but this will be my reward when I’m done.
Sleep well!
Thank you, luv
thanks so much sal.
much love and have a great night.
lemme gaan read #smiles
Thank you, Bella
Thanks sally, have a nice night
Gracias, Folake
Wow good night to u too Sally, glad I was awake to read this. Pls don’t kill Dom just yet. Awww honey and hide makes me really believe in true love and good communication in marriage. I can’t stand noka sha, she is really a bitch. Well thank you, thank u
My pleasure, Marion
good one Sally. may God perfect your health. have a wonderful night.
God keep you safe too, Fadebomi
Sal Sal…two steamy hot scenes here..chai.
I’m glad Jideofor and Honey sorted out everything.
I like that they were the focus today, I’ve missed them.
Celia might just catch feelings for Naomi….
Pls Nick shouldn’t die o..lexi can’t handle another loss…
Eagerly waiting for next week….
Thank you Sally, you are the best.
Celia catching feelings for Naomi…Hmmm, that’s another angle
Thank you, Adebayo
Kai! Dominic doesn’t like himself sha. He barely survives a heart attack and he goes straight back to rumble between the sheets. Smh.. Genesis should scold him well.
Not sure why i feel sorry for Noka after hearing her secret. Babe is dying in silence in the midst of friends. Sooner or later, the truth always jumps out somehow.
Thanks for this bonus episode Sal, e kuuse.
Thank you, Anthony
Thanks Sally. I kept checking all day know you would keep to your words.
I hope Dominic will be okay…ΔΊ
I pray he gets well too
Thanks Oluwakemi
Mogbe! Dominic why? I knew something was wrong…please dont let him die. Aunt Sally, now we fully know IANS setting is Lagos. Noka is still being a b**ch and her secret, Honey will so deal with her when she finds out…Thanks for the double treat!!
You’re welcome, Trixandra
Yes, the setting is Lagos. Lol! You remember!
I woke up to this. Thanks for keeping your promise. Pls don’t let Dominic die now let Lex marry first a beg. But him no try at all tough play after heart attack? Jide and Honey great couple.Naomi change your ways. Sally pls bring Ekene and Mary’s happily ever after on in the next episode thank you. Have a great week ahead.
I’ll try and bring those two. I hope the muse allows me
Gracias, Nykky
I woke to this …lol i kept refreshing my mail yesterday.
Honey and Jide are my roles model (in jenifas voice) hanhan oluwa provide a loving and forgivig boo amen and protect Ditrosin for us all amen.
Ojonoka hehehehehe so u v so much in ur cupboard….if i were u, i would be mute for life.silly girl
God will provide that boo o! And even better sef
Wow!!checked all through yeyesterday until I finally fell asleep,,am really scared for Dominic,,yea I feel sorry for noka,blackmail Is a bitch,,she really should confide in her friends that’s really if she sees them as one Sha
Thanks Sally
My pleasure, Gift
Sally, first of all, thank for the *back to back* episodes.. sending hugs and kisses your way right now.
Please Sally, don’t allow Nick to die. I love the friendship of Jide and the whole gang, good to know you have friends that have got your back. And can Mex and Yaz just grow up already? lol… I also think Celia should just come out and confess to Ibro, and if he’s doesn’t forgive her, she should move on with her life, after all, its been a one-sided relationship all these while. It wont be the bre of her world.
Yeah, the relationship has been one-sided. I think this is why she is scared to tell him the truth. She can be easily dumped
Thanks, Busayo
Thank u Sally for this episode. D way i was refreshing on and on yesterday ehn….Jide and Hon have a very deep relationship. I like the way Jide explained everything to her no matter how brutally honest it was…
Noka should be exposed abeg, she has serious skeletons in her cupboard and she’s there forming like she’s better than everybody and i just went mad when she said Honey has mental issues so Honey pls go ahead and expose rhe bitch abeg.
Domi pls don’t u dare die on Gen, she needs you,Lexus needs you, the twins need you, hang in there for them please.
Celia should listen to her friends.
And i am so freaking pissed and broken hearted on Naomi’s behalf…How can a man be that wicked? Sally ya d bestest???
And you’re a darling for taking time out to read,
Thanks, Jumes
Thanks Sally, you always rock! Please don’t kill Dominic…please pretty please….????every child have a right to know their Dad, the twins needs to know him more (#blackmail?)….please don’t kill him.
Meanwhile, where is my favorite Ditorusin’s 1st child and her boo?
Lexus and Kas will soon be here…
Thanks Sally. Always exciting piece…no dull reading. God bless your hustle n perfect your health.
Amen! and yours too!
That was a huge truth coming from jide, I think friendship is as important as love in a marriage. Celia!, can’t really say anything about her for now. Let’s just see how things will unfold for her and I have really missed their gatherings. As for dom, please don’t kill him now. It’s not like I like him but I believe he is important to the entire novoccaine story. Thank you Mrs Dadzie for blessing us with 2 episodes this weekend. Have a lovely weekend ahead.
Please tell me why you don’t like our hawt Domi O! Some of us are mad in love with him
But then, you’re a guy, so I don’t expect you to like him like that
Thank you for reading, Folarin
Pls Sugar Mama, don’t let anything happen to Dominic, pls I beg you……
.
.
Honey should take care of herself biko, I hope Jide’s confession won’t trigger her sickness especially after Noka has used it against her.
.
.
God bless you for this wonderful updates ma, thank you.
Bless you more, Sugar Baby
Nooooo Dominic must not die please,
Can someone please teach Noka a lesson. she need to be flogged.
Nive one as always Sally, How are you feeling now
I’m doing great, Dotun. Thanks for asking
Oh mahn! This episode is sizzling *fans self* Jide and Honey eehn….they are goals and that Noka needs to put in her place. Naomi? Dominic has been rudely awakened, still so sorry to hear about his decline in health. I pray he makes it
Madam, why are you fanning yourself?
You know say you don spoil finish, abi?
Thank you Sally for the bonus episode and striving to ensure it dropped yesterday. Really hot episode. May God continue to strengthen and inspire you. Amen.
And amen, Bman
Dominic!! Shei you know that the story won’t be the same without you? Which kind of Macho nonsense did you do this morning?
Glad everything is rosy in JineyVille!!
I kinda agree with Jide’s point, we tend to rush into marriage once we have found the person we want to marry, we are never willing to just enjoy those moments. Then our families don’t make it easier sef.
Hope you are better today Sally, may the blood of Jesus revitalise and nourish your body,IJN.
Thank you and amen, Biola
As for Dominic, a man wants what a man wants
Sobs…..pls Aunt Sal don’t kill Dom, he is still much needed to keep Lex head straight nd Gen needs him for more hot lovemaking nt to mention those Lil twins…..All the same u did a great job…..thanks
Gen needs him for more hot lovemaking…
You people will not kee me with laff on this blog! Chai!
OMG! Dominic must not die oooo. *tears up*
He mustn’t
Waoh… speechless
π
This has absolutely made my day..thank u sally
Pleasure’s all mine
And yours…of course
Oh my goodness!!
I hope Dom survives!
Wow! That man is crazy sha! Does he think he is super human or what??
I get the feeling things will still heat up between Naomi and Celia. Meanwhile, Noka is such a pain in the testicles! That one has her own skeletons but she can’t even bring herself to do normal. Mtscheeww.
I’m happy that Jide and Honey seem to have worked through their issues. I’m also glad he was honest with her. That must have been hard but at least, putting it out there is one step to fixing stuff.
Thanks again Sal!
These two episodes were a hit, back to back! Hehe
That’s awesome, coming from you Oge
We miss you here!
Dominic!!!!!!! Mr Macho please stop forming. You need to take care of yourself, for your family…
Honey and Jide *dancing*. I love their love. I am glad their fight is settled. He was so honest with her…
Thank you Sally.
*kisses!
Wow!!! dis episode is sizzling hot abeg. thanks Sally, u jus made my day. biko I’m joining #teamdon’tkilldomi. abeg d man dey important in dis story o make lex no go craze finish. glad to know things are fine wit honey n jide. shady thanks for making up wit Cee, I like d fact that u changed for d better. Pele Naomi, it jus shows dat even masters get beaten at their own games sometimes but I for like make d men arrange dat ur husband small beating on ur behalf. okay now to noka, hehehehekikikiki! I dey laff u in Swahili bcos wen d ladies find out abt dis ur kolobi issue,hey! ur own don finish o. u go humble pass fish wey d ice don disappear. so mex and Yasmin still dey fight? una never sabi wetin dey worry una. thanks Sally, make i go sleep small.
I hope you slept well, Ebunoluwa
My regards to your family
Oh My!!! Praying seriously for Dom for Genesis’s sake….i have never felt right about that Mamisi coming back into their lives cos she’s no good God please…Hmm Ojonoka you better follow Cee’s advice and allow them tell the ‘Guys’ who will handle this delicate issue in a good way with Ibro, So much for being bitchy!!!
Don’t mind her
OMG, nothing must happen to Dominic o. I hope he relax from work after dis.
I hope so too
Haa…..IANS back 2 back dat ws so Swt of u Sally God bless u 4 ds 2 episodes. Doustrim pls dnt die yet oo Lex hasn’t get married.Tank God Jide nd honey has settled Der difference lkewse Shady nd Cee.Ojonoka behave urself well b4 honey teach u how 2. Sally u 3much,Hpe u r nw vne. pls not episode shuld feature our darling Mary nd hr boo
Thanks Dear Aunty Sally…. Tnk goodness Jide and Honey have settled,..Dominic pls don’t die…I’m loving Naomi and Peace together as good friends..Noka needs to be taught a lesson really..
Wow! two dynamite episodes. I hope Dom survives and Noka’s skeletons catch up with her. Too bitchy but spices things up.
Wow! two dynamite episodes. I hope Dom survives and Noka’s skeletons catch up with her. Too bitchy but spices things up. Great story Sal.
MR Dominic,Don’t your dare try this sh*t,This is too expensive abeg.
Madam sally.. Can u please not let Dom die.. I miss lexus and Kasi part too… This was just lit
I’ve been a ghost reader
But today sha, I must comment.
Thanks Sally you’re just too much.
I love Celia’s game!
I don’t feel sorry for Noka at all, she’s such a bitch! Please oh, don’t let Dominic die. Pls….
I shaa knew something bad was going to happen to Dominic .
Sally thanks for the back to back episodes..
triple darn! I love it when you do d surprise. happy for honey, noka is disaster awaiting. Dom pls stop being macho & admit u’re human with flaws. sally abeg revive him. Naomi pls get well quick, even if u leave ur hubby don’t break ceclia’s home too.
looking forward to next Saturday
The end had me like “oops!” I had thought Genesis’ dream was not to be relied upon. Heart attack and still going on like that in bed? Hian!
Wow! I knew Noka had a skeleton on her wardrobe , yet she won’t keep her mouth shut.
Nothing shd happen to ditorusin pls and dt mamisi had better know her place. Thanks fr ds sally?
Interesting and lengthy. I so love it.
And the ‘Never Have I Ever’ game is so cute that I fell in love with it.
Thank you so much Dear. You’re amazingly great.
Thanks so much for d updates
Madam Sally,tuale for you ma.?
Abeg chop kilzes ?? for bringing Jide and Honey together. I guess Dominic was just in denial about his health and wanted to prove that which was why he had that intense passionate sex with his wife. I’m sure he will survive it, might take him a while but will help him bond with his family. As for Noka, she is the one I pity most as she is the saddest of the clan but covers up with all her antagonistic speech. I am looking forward to Honey treating her **** up, she should ask Jide about his 1 week of torture after his indiscretions at Zanzibar.
Celia please be careful but I want to believe you are a wise woman.
Looking forward to the next episode. Thanks again and again..????
And I must confess this was an interesting and lengthy read. More of this.
awesome writes Sal..thank u n God bless you
Thanks Sally. This is so lovely. I don’t know why I feel bad for Noka, babe is dying inside. Honey will so take her to the cleaners.
Glad Jide and Honey found a way around their issues.
Celia and Naomi, that relationship is not something I’m comfortable with.
Dominic shouldn’t die yet o.
God bless you Sally.
tnx aunt Sally love u chop kiss ma’am
Now that I know Noka secret I feel bad for the babe dominic had better survive please in btw thanks for the bonus episode
Thank you too, for reading and dropping a line
Please Sally, I beg you. DO NOT KILL DOMINIC. PLEASE!!!
As for Noka, she’d better check herself before she wrecks herself.
Thanks for the bonus episode Sally, as always, they are amazing. I look forward to the next.
I hope you feel better, please know that you are in our prayers. God bless you!
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers
Much love
so uncle Nick got a heart attack and yet he pracked ?
It’s not his fault. Genesis got him like…
I pray honey finds Noks secret soonest. She has been on ma own nerves too for long? . Pls sal, dont let Dom die yet o ?
Really, how Jide and Honey get to thrash out their issues will leave many people with relationship goals. Fair share of the drama, and then the face-to-face (abi na side by side) no holds barred thingy…very healthy because both are matured minds.
I got my eyes on the end of their part tho, the Mex and Yaz ish. Those two remind me of something…
Always always knew something is wrong with Noka. An individual can’t be that scornful if not for the fact that (s)he has things to hide. This should play out into something worth the drama *dons amebo cap*. In a large group of friends like theirs, there’s bound to be ‘beefs’ anyways.
Dominic having health issues isn’t unexpected. For someone who pushes himself pretty hard, that can happen. Beht please, let him not die yet o. Shebi you know ‘actor nor dey die for feem’.
Thanks Sally, more ink, more grace, good health.
I’m telling you, Jide and Honey giving us relationship goals since *19gbogboro*, Sometimes, I even forget they are not real, because they seem so real, like the everyday people.
wowwww!!!! Sooo refreshing to catch up. hmmmm. it is well o. Aunty sally and her twists and turns.
Thank You also for The Immortal codes. You rock.
Dear Sally,
Congratulations on breaking the monthly sales on Okada books for *The Fourth Finger*…Way to go Sally.. More of this I pray…
I knew it. Dominic will die. maybe not in this episode or the next, but he’s going to die in this series. I’m dead certain, no pun intended
Hope Dominick will be okay o, he shouldn’t die abeg or else Genesis will lose it completely. Its so good to see Jide and Honey making up and finally admitting his hurts to her. This is a long and interesting read, thanks and have a blessed month.
Sally please don’t kill Dominic so that Genesis won’t die too bikonu. Hope Omoh is not the hubby of Naomi? Cec should just bring Naomi in, she needs help seriously. And likewise Noka too.
Happy Jide and Honey are back together.
HBP, Heart Attack are the silent killers now. It’s high time people take medical check up serious. Just within the space of 2weeks the number of young people who slumped and died is really on the rise. God help us all.
Sally you are always the best….xoxo.
ehn Dominic plz don’t die oh, Abeg, Sally don’t let him die plz, and wow jinoney is back, dis couples blow my mind with how they handle their issues.. very maturely , noka should be thought a lesson oh her Don too much abeg, and Celia should help Naomi to change, yazim and mex grow up una Don too old for fighting all the time. thanks Sally u made my night rock and I learnt alot from this episode… God bless you always…..