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βYour dream will finally come true over the weekend handsome. Iβm due in your city this weekend for the wedding I told you aboutβ
I had mixed feelings as I read that early morning message on my phone. As excited as I was with the possibility of spending time with Cynthia as normal human beings, not that Best Man and Chief Bridesmaid nonsense, Queen had the weekend booked for her already. I liked how the previous day had ended; it was every manβs dream: Cynthia prayed for me, I got a deal wrapped and I made peace with le boo. It had been a while before then that things had fallen into place for me like that.
Sam also had good news for me as per our partnership. At that point in time, I knew the world was made for me alone.
βYou actually donβt deserve it, shey you knowβ, the man in me quipped. I just shrugged in a βna-you-sabiβ manner. The next song that came to mind was one I heard many years ago when I was totally stuck on Fighting Temptations, βHe Still Loves Meβ. I knew I did not deserve the universe working in my favour but it was doing so and I was very grateful. I hummed the song as I got up and made my way to take a leak, knowing the day was going to start with me setting the parole for Cynthiaβs visit, without Queen raising dust again.
βMorning BGβ, I typed and sunk into the bed on my return to the room.
βWhatβs BG? Are you sure you are awake mister?β
βI wonβt ever chat rubbish miss. BG is Best Gehlβ
βLooooolz. See you, so Best Girl gets code named again. Renaming her isnβt enough for youβ
β:Dβ
βNewayz, good morning. Your night?β
βWas goodβ
βNicey. Did you see my first message?β
βIβm not yet blind BartimaeusMami. Thatβs the first message that dropped on my phone today. When are you due?β
βIβll touch down on Friday mrngβ
βI cld come pick u @ the airportβ
βThat wonβt be a bad idea oβ¦β
βAnytin to c n spend tym with u rocks. I esp wanβ c u outside that bridal train uniformβ
βHmmmmm. Wetin u wan see oβ
βOh cβmon Cynth, donβt be ridiculous. What else do I wanβ c outside what shld be seen? Abeg no rope me oβ
The chat was getting interesting, office could wait, breakfast could wait, everything could wait, the time could even stop; even Queen, yes Queen the troublesome could wait.If anyone told me at the start of the year that I would be crushing on someone, I would have sworn for that person. Here I was however, Queen had stopped making me look forward to chats, she had stopped making my day. We spent more time arguing while all the lovey dovey periods looked like something from the very distant past in my life. Here was my Best Girl doing everything to show herself better than Queen.
I grinned as had now become customary, while we carried on discussing the terms of her arrival and how she planned to spend the weekend.
βI wonβt mind u cuming to pick me up at the airport but I already told my friend whose side Iβll bunk at. Weβve not seen in almost nine monthsβ
With that went the secret desire that I would be the one to welcome her to the Centre of Excellence but I had to make it seem like it did not get to me.
βOkies. Its no problem. So howβs we gonβ c?β
βThe traditional wedding would be on Friday afternoon. You know how you Yoruba people do your tin nahβ
βThere you go again miss ethnocentric. Meanwhile βcumβ is βcumβ and βcomeβ is βcomeβ. Stop spelling βcomeβ as βcumβ. Thanksβ
βAshawo!!! What is cum. Your mind is just a trash bin I swear. Just leave all that your ethno whatever Dot. When Iβm with Samatha, Iβll get you the address to her placeβ
βI like that trashy, perverted me, okay? So whatβs u gonβ bring for the Best Boyβ
βJust negodu, Matthew 7:7 darl and you gonβ have itβ
βWhich one is negodu again o Best Gehl of life? Pretty heads always have diff words coming from their good looking mouthsβ
βNegodu =look at youβ
βIssorait o. Iβll consult my oracle and letchukno. It might be a tall order for you oβ
βMy maker is a God of possibilitiesβ
I was carried away through and through by Cynthia. That was how mind drugging her effect was on me. I forgot my worries and challenges when we chatted. I noticed she still did not attempt to call me. Our chats would occasionally end abruptly but she would not call to know what happened. All she did was to simply continue from where we stopped.
βPING!!!β
βPING!!!β
βNo Good mornings again abi? Your Zee and the rest don make you forget your manners ehn?β
Queen jumped into my chat again. If it was the way we ended the previous day it would have been a good one. I saw that she woke up on that terrible side of her bed again because even on days when I did not send her a βgood morningβ message, she would do. If Queen starts chatting that way, I know better. After waiting for some minutes, I managed to respond.
βMorning lovey. Your brodas just restore light ni. You know we chatted far into the night ystday. Battery went with the chatβ
βHmmmm. The other phone is dead too abi? No good morning call again?β
βIβm sorry bae. Kissesβ
βThatβs how you always do. If nawhen lovdey shack you, na 5 am u dey call meβ
βThose were good times Queen, times when u called me every time u went to pee at niteβ
βWhat now happened? Was it not u that stopped making me do all of that?β
βHow nah? U were always picking fights and wonβt let it go on time. Life is too short for that nahβ
βI hear u. nor start preaching to me bikoβ
βThere u go miss pretty and rudeβ
βWetin call for insult nah? Abiwhats the meaning of preety and rudeβ
βMy baby don vex again. Una vex reach to misspell pretty?β
βDotun e don do. Byeβ
βChill nah. Is that enuf to make u storm off again? Na wa for u oβ
Her short fuse got lost again, and she flew into her fit of anger. Used to her needless anger, I just switched the chat over to Cynthia.
βBabes, I gotta go now. The city calls, lemme go make some money to host the BGβ
βHehehehe. I canβt wait to see what he has for me oβ
βWhoβs the βheβ?β
βThe βheβ that is asking me questions nah, the same βheβ that Iβm answeringβ
βYou ehn! Iβve not forgotten Matthew 7:7 oβ
βI await the request young man. Now goβ
βIts not always easy leaving you niβ
βWhere? Itβs a virtual world baby boy. Go and live in the real worldβ
βIβll count 48 hours and the virtual gonβ turn real. Yessssssssβ
βYou know right. Ttylβ
I smiled again,this babe would chat without any silly shorthand or grammatical blunders.
βThatβs why you like chatting with her nah. Or is there something else?β, my loquacious subconscious started again. I smiled and told him to βshut upβ.
*************************************************
To get one over Femi, the one everyone calls my partner in crime, I informed him that Cynthia was coming to town and had already invited me to the wedding she was attending. Remember he was the first to mock me for letting the gift of my Best Girl slip through my hands. I ordinarily would attend alone but I wanted to show off. I also needed company around me in case things did not go the way I envisaged. With him around I was not going to be bored. Dude could not believe what I told him.
βYou mean Best Girl is coming to town cos of youβ
βSure man. Na me for go pick am for airport sef but hustle no gree me chanceβ
βI knew somethingβs up when all you would talk about was Best girl, when Queenβs attitude did not bother you againβ
βHow I for do nah? Weβll storm the wedding together o, and Sam must not know. I no dey carry am along for the whole paroleβ
βI really wish Queen can just couple, make she do normalβ
βMy Queen, my iyawo olele. Today fight, tomorrow play, I don taya broβ
I knew the kind of secrets Femi would keep. I was very sure no living creature would hear from his mouth. There and then he informed me that Sam was going to be away with Dorothy for the weekend. That guy sure knew how to enjoy life. That was when I understood what DorDorβs βget away with le booβ countdown on her Blackberry was about. That meant Sam was himself too busy to share the weekend with us. Femi did not need to tell me were going to attend the wedding together, I knew how our unsaid agreements were.
I did not stay long at The Meeting Point that evening. Uncomfortable after the disagreement with Queen in the morning, I needed to look for a way to appease the βgodβ that she had become. I headed to her to make peace. The arguments were draining me emotionally and mentally, and I had the sensible part of me reining me in despite the increasing attachment to Cynthia. Queen was leaving a very yawning gap with her attitude and Cynthia was making inroads through the gap.
We could not sustain chats for long without arguing, we could not talk for long on phone without turning it into a shouting match. She it was that pushed me out again. I did not have the plan to misbehave despite my tendency to do so. After years in the wilderness trying to get someone to throw my love on, she strolled in and re-arranged my turbulent life. I remember asking her if she was in for the long haul; if she was going to be forever near or leave me like the setting sun.
She it was that talked about my former girlfriends been Vashti, she said she had come to erase their memories. She acted true to her initial promise, making the pains of the past look like something that never happened. It was that way for the first year till she started showing a different side of her. She would nag and take out her official frustrations on me. She would insult me, saying all sorts of unprintable things if I tried to point out some wrongs.
I tried hard to cope with her attitude and the arguments, seeing them as teething problems associated with relationships and hoping we would overcome the initial challenges but nothing changed. I laid my ego and pride on the line to make things work but Miss Beautiful had an ego bigger than mine.
I kept reminiscing till I got to her gate. Deciding not to drive in, I hailed the guard who fortunately was outside the compound. The information I wanted was that she was inside and that he gave after I parted with the regular two hundred naira βgate feeβ.
I rang the door and she answered in her happiest tone ever, one that had become strange to me. The sound her slip-ons made on the tiled floor as she walked to the door was music in my ears. For all her wahala, babe is a power dresser. She opened the door to meet me smiling and opening my arms for her to fall into. Queen just looked at my mumu looking smiling face, held the door open and walked back inside. I gradually dropped the hand to my side and followed after her. The place looked as elegant as ever.
βThis young lady would make your home look like paradiseβ
βThatβs not why Iβm here, so shut the hell up and lemme concentrateβ
The aroma of the frying goat meat found its way from her kitchen to the living room. Whenever Queen fries goat meat, spaghetti and that wicked sauce was sure going to follow. I miss her culinary skills wallahi. After waiting for ages and she did not come out of the βfood factoryβ, I went to meet her and tried to get her back on side after the disagreement we had in the morning. Characteristically, she shunned me, just making the annoying βhmmmβ sound each time I spoke. Β She would not say a word despite the βIβm sorryβ and βwe can be better that thisβ that I said severally. I was getting pissed already and left for her living room. I had barely sat when I had a call on my Blackberry. It was strange because those who had that number were not up to ten in number. I answered trying to sound as casual as possible.
βMy flight is due in Lag by ten in the morning. We can see tomorrowβ.
I could not believe my ears. Cynthia called me for the very first time.
βMake sure you donβt forget your manners next time Mami. Good to have you ring me for the first time ever. Good eveningβ
βYou sound exactly the way I expected you to. See you tomorrow Dotβ
βThanks a lotβ
I ended the call as she was coming out of the kitchen. I knew she was going to ask who called so I steeled myself against any disclosure.
βYou wonβt ever be able to say who it is. Β You walk to come and letβs make peace and youβre there answering different callsβ
βQueen haba! Canβt I receive calls without having to explain to you again? You wanna be my Secretary without pay abi? Iβll employ you. By the way, how many calls have I received since I got here today?β
βMe I know for you? Did I not hear you flirting with whoever it is?β
βWho was I flirting with? Your impatience is driving me crazy. I canβt even understand where this you came from. Youβre a better person than thisβ
βSee Dotun. Yaa just talking story in English Languageβ
βYou remind me of that song about the wife who plays today and fights tomorrow. I wonder what will happen if we donβt have issues in a weekβ
βRemember or remind anything. Whether na song or poem, its your kettle of rotten fishβ
βStop all these Cynthia. Stop itβ. I goofed, and I knew there was going to be full scale war
βThere you go dumbo. Why mention Cynthia at a time like this? Whyβ.
βOhhhh, na Cynthia now abi. I was wondering now. Iβve been thinking and asking myself how it happened that you could abandon me for so long. Tell Cynthia or whatever it is that the hoe answers, I wonβt let her inβ
βYou are not sane Queen. You just are not normal. You have this way of frustrating my life to get me making mistakes I should not. Iβm not dating anyone asides youβ
βYouβre not dating them boyfriend, youβre shagging themβ
βIβm not sleeping with anyone. Iβve been clean since you raised dust the other timeβ
I yelled at her, picked my keys and walked out. She stood there watching me go, knowing she had pushed me beyond my elastic limit. She would never say sorry, she did not have to. I goofed, gave her an opening when I should have made her feel guilty, and I was ready to not stand down if this was going to get her start thinking I was going to leave her.
βBotched mission Dot. Sorry manβ. My subconscious hugged me tight from the inside as I took my leave.
What’s queen’s problem sef? she don dey irritate me. #TeamBestBoyBestGirl #TeamBestCouple. I can’t wait for the next episode.
Thank you Busola
stop all this Cynthia…..hahaha..d devil is a liar….queen queen you are beginning to get on best boy nerves ooo…nice work seye.more ink to your pen
Thank you Jacy, thanks a bunch
Queen!Queen!Queen! I heart you bet y r u frustrating ur man na? And 2u Dot, do u fnk Bestgirl will solve all dz issue, coz she’s gonna come wt her own issue too o, if she bcms ur gf.
Too much drama between Dotun and Queen, even me dey tire for them.
Thanks for your time.
Mehn I hate those kinda goofs jor,, it can be painful ehn. Queen u need to calm your titties,you will lose him patapata porogodo this way. I’m indifferent about that Cynthia self.
Dotun how market?
Ese pupo Ogbeni Seye, Olorun a tubo fi oda ikowe kun eyi ti e fin ko ise naa. Odigba!!!
There’s the need for calm really. Queen has that thing in her, she knows how to push Dotun to the wall.
Adupe arabirin Tomii
Jst luv dis two together Dot nd Queen u guys r Tom nd Jerry. Issokay Bestgirl will soon arrive hpe Ur arrival will b 4 gud Sha. Tanx Seye 4 dis epi, more writing Grace bro
Tom and Jerry huh? Very funny. How about Mr. And Mrs. Spencer.
Thank you horllamii
Dotun is such an amateur. How can he call Queen another woman’s name that bears no semblance to hers? Queen sef never talk werin dey do am. Abeg, let Cynthia come quick and show us some loving.
The kind wahala woman wey Queen be ehn, you won’t know when you will goof.
Thank you Ifeanyi.
Lmao…Someone new always sounds interesting and more intriguing than who you are with now. Its a trap.
The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side….its greener where its watered.
That being said o, me I like Cynthia.
I like your point there. The grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side. Sometimes people flee the lushness for some calm on the other side.
And as for liking Cynthia, we’re together.
Thank you Adebayo.
I don’t like Cynthia coz she knows dot has a babe and she is still flirting with him this much. It is fun when you are not on the receiving end. Dot should choose one and free the other, he has given Cynthia ‘mami’ already. Issok and he wanted to die when he tot he saw queen with a group.
But Dotun hasn’t told Cynthia he’s with someone nau.
I feel for him and Queen. It’s a good relationship that is being held back by lack of willingness to understand one another, in my opinion.
Thanks Mammy. I like how you dissected things.
Nice one
I’m tired of this drama sessions with Queen. Dotun needs to tell her wats at stake. She needs to get her shit together if she really wants the relationship. Or maybe she dnt
Methinks they both should find a common ground, and if they can’t… they can peacefully part ways.
Hmmmm!!!!its weird that men can cheat n still love their girlfriend no less.
Is it only men? Let’s say human beings actually. Different reasons different people give, though not a reason to justify cheating.
Thank you Tobislim.
and arent we ladies more of “queen”?, we can be all “cynthia” today, but it will bore the guy na, common, bring the “queen ” on to spice his life biko……..loool, but Queen should cahm dan
Hahahaha.
Spot on Modupe, spot on.
The right balance is needed though.
Thanks a bunch.
Queen is different shades of complex I can relate with. but she should just try to get her act together cos she is look her man really fast. as for Cynthia, well I think she just wanna have a good time with no strings so Dotun shouldn’t push his luck so far.
nice one Seye.