Guest writer, Nwanz, shares this hilarious tale about how his day went one particular morning.
Before I start, I would like to give a piece of advice. NEVER sleep in public transport. There are a lot of things that could go wrong. They could steal from you, you could be taken far away from your bus stop, you could forget your change with the conductor, forget your things in the bus, you could even get kidnapped. One of the consequences of sleep happened on this day and it was funny/not funny at the same time. But this story is not only about sleep. In fact there were different things that happened that morning, all within an hour.
I was on my way to work that morning inside a keke, thinking of how I might have to enter okada in order to get to work early. When we arrived at a junction, there was a keke napep in front of us trying to make a u turn. In the process, one teenage school girl fell out of the keke. Like, she fell in the middle of the road.
Luckily, she didn’t get hurt. She just stood up looking more embarrassed than frightened. We then got to realise that this girl was sleeping inside the keke the whole time and probably couldn’t catch herself in time while the vehicle was turning.
It seemed scary that time, but it’s actually funny to me now that I’m typing this. I mean, she literally FELL asleep. Imagine if she had gotten a bad scar and she’d have to explain the embarrassing story behind it for the rest of her life. Tragic. But honestly, there are a lotta things that could have gone wrong. So, all of you that like to sleep, even on okada, all the best. This was just the beginning of the day’s events.I got to First Gate to wait for a bus going to CMS when one of those long coaster buses passed. I noticed the bus was a bit shaky and when I looked closer, I discovered that the conductor was fighting with a passenger at the door of the bus, while it was moving. It got to a point where both of them were hanging with one arm, and throwing punches with the other. The conductor was eventually able to punch the guy out of the bus.
Don’t forget that all this was happening while the bus was moving. This guy stood up and started chasing the bus while I stood there wondering the logic behind that. Of course he didn’t catch up. I was just looking at him like:
Buses were quite scarce and I knew I had to hustle to board one. Besides, I was running late for work. The next bus came along and had just one space. One woman managed to get there first while I struggled with others for space to hang (yes, I was hanging like a conductor). There was this particular old man who probably had too much Lucozade Boost cause he kept trying to out muscle me. I just tried my best not to do what that fighting conductor did.
So, there I was, hanging with different people stepping on my shoes and the old man’s face not too far from mine. What made it worse was he had old man bad breath (yes, that’s a thing. And it’s different from normal bad breath). Well, his mouth smelled like a mixture of expired agbo with old furniture and a sprinkle of regular garlic breath.He was going to start an argument with the conductor about space but I told him to calm down because I really didn’t want him to start talking. Before I would be the third person to fall from a moving vehicle that morning albeit for different reasons. But you know old people…ever stubborn. He kept arguing and punishing me.
I thought I died but, here I am, typing this so, I guess I didn’t The story is actually longer than this but, I don’t want to bore you. Maybe there will be a second half.
Watch out for part 2 I guess