I want to share something with you and hope you help out. I get letters all the time asking for my advice or take on people’s personal issues. I answer all as best as I can but I guess I don’t always have all the answers, and that’s why I need your help here.
How are you and the family? And work? I know we don’t know each other that well yet but i need you advice on a personal ish. I noticed you write your thoughts about relationship ishes just like me, although i see mine as bringing up issues that people usually don’t talk about and then we talk about it. But unfortunately, people expect ‘us’ to know everything, which isn’t always the case. I think i’m blabbering now…lolx so i’ll just get to the point. But I think I should start by giving you a brief background on some things, then perhaps you’ll understand my hesitation on the issue.
I’ve been in several relationships in the past, although i didn’t get physical in most of them because i was determined to keep myself till marriage although in the end, i did stray eventually. But im still grateful to God to have kept me that far. Among the relationships, i met a dude who i’d known since way back frm Sec.school. We dated a couple of months and then things went sour and i opted out. He wasn’t quite attentive and was more focused on work at the time.
As i grew older, i realised a few things about myself.. My downsides- Impatience, ill-temperament and i was also a total control freak(which by the way is the reason i go haywire when things don’t fall under my control). So i took a long break from dating and concentrated on building myself and my relationship with God. Besides all that, i also knew being single at that time was what God wanted for me. I was so sure that even when i got very close to a male friend of mine and even wanted to date him, God didn’t want it( His voice was clear on the matter) and He even permitted certain circumstances to make sure it didn’t happen…that i remained single and focused on myself.
So by the time, i was ready to date, that same dude(the non-attentive one) came back. This time with full commitment. Even though i hurt his feelings and ended the relationship then, he still wanted to give it a shot(and since by then i had also realized how impatient i was with him -becos we dated before for just three months), i decided to give the whole relationship with him another go. For the first five months, the relationship was great. He let his guards down(He is a Capricorn) and let me into his world, showing me around and was even insisting i met his family and all that because according to him, he wanted us to be engaged by December.
But I wanted us to go slow and not be in a hurry. Marriage is a very big deal, so I’ve heard. I didn’t want to rush into things.
To cut the story short, i ended the relationship last week again after we dated for seven months. Why? you might be wondering…Well because the wall i thought i put down before, came right up after we had a fight. He became cold and distant. I tried to talk to him so many times about things but he’d give this nonchalant attitude. I beg to see him, i beg for him to call. I beg for his attention. It began to seem like he had expected me to be perfect, now that he had realized that i am, he was no longer interested. Even when we fought, i let down my pride and begged for his forgiveness and he said he’d forgiven me…but he still felt distant and i cried for a month.
Whenever i told him, i loved him, he would reply that he knows and never reply that he does too and to me it seemed so unfair, that the person i love knows i love him, yet i couldn’t even tell if he still does. I wanted reassurance so badly but he never gave me any. It got so frustrating, that i ended it. All my friends think i did the right thing but i don’t know…He complained that i am too demanding and seem to always quit when things get bad, that is that how i will be in a marriage?
It just seemed like he was focusing on the fact the he has always proved that he loved me, when to me i see love to be something one proves everyday. He seems to be focusing on the future(me being the perfect wife) that he doesn’t seem to notice what he is doing now. He seem to be concentrating so much on places other than now. I told him this and he said nothing, that he is letting God’s will to be done after all, I’ve ended the relationship.
Truthfully, i don’t know what to do? Everyone says i should move on. That he is not the right person for me.
Please drop your advice in the comment box.