Long time ago when the world was filled with warriors, virgins and noble chaps, things were quite simple. Women stayed at home and took care of the children while men toiled the fields to bring home the bread. It was unheard of for a man not to take care of his woman. She was his load, his responsibility, his cross, and he was to do his duties without any complaints. Any man who couldnât fit into this type of living was not considered a man.
Now fast-forward to the age of enlightenment where women discovered independence and took the reins of their own existence off the hands of men. It was a time of single mothers who paid their own bills, of feminists and proud lesbians, of married women who simply did not solely rely on their husbands for their daily bread and even little girls who beat up boys and made them cry. The average woman was aware of herself. The freedom she got for just being female and doing what she wanted was exhilarating. It was a manâs world but she was ruling her own part of it.
Okay, fast forward again to about just a few years after that and jump into our time. At this point, there are hardly men and women, just mostly bank figures and private parts. One demands, the other supplies and vice versa. In the wake of this, sugar daddies emergeâthose moneybags that love to splurge on girls their daughterâs age. And thereâs of course, the aristo and now, the maga! Not just a term used for that rich man who is about to be sucked dry, the recent definition of the maga goes something like this: a man who makes a living and has nothing better to do than lavish his earnings on a woman.
So it doesnât matter if youâre a bank CEO or an okada rider, as long as you sustain a gold-diggerâs lifeline, youâre a maga. Oh, I can hear you tell yourself that youâre too smart to be one. Well, let me surprise you by letting you know that every straight man has been a maga at one point in his life and might again fall into a gold-digging  femaleâs trap sometime in the future even if it is just for one night. After all, the most efficient gold-diggers are very capable of vacuuming you out before the sun rises. But if youâre still doubting if youâre a maga, these scenarios should help:
- Youâve been seeing this girl for a while but every time youâre apart, she never calls and when you complain about this to her, she pings you and goes like, âyou know I donât have money for credit, baby. Buy me credit and I will call you.â You buy her the credit but she pings you and you call back⌠Youâre a maga.
- You pay her for BIS, her hairdo, her nails, her NEPA bill, her groceries⌠Youâre a maga.
- Every time you guys go out, you pay the bills and all she does is orders and bats her eyes at you and tells you how much of a gentleman you are and you feel really grownup with yourselfâŚYouâre a maga.
- She gives it to you good in bed and afterwards, tells you sheâs broke. Youâre thoughts are âsheâs giving it. Iâm getting it. Why the hell not?â⌠Youâre a maga.
- Her mother is sick, her brother canât afford to write WAEC because of the fees and their house rent just expired. You are her only salvation because her uncle who can help her is demanding for sex in return⌠Youâre a maga.
- You ask her out on a date and she shows up with her vulture friends and they order everything on the menu plus takeaways and you donât leave them there to wash plates and mop floors⌠Youâre a maga.
- Itâs her birthday. She wants a party; you want a quiet dinner. She bursts into tears and tells you that you donât care about the most important day in her life and you give in⌠Youâre a maga.
- Every time she wants to go out, she calls you to drop her off and pick her later but never wants to spend the in-between time with you⌠Youâre a maga.
- Sheâs always getting pregnant and youâre always dolling out immense cash for D&C⌠Youâre a maga.
- You buy her valentine gifts, she hugs you and plants a wet kiss on your lips and drives off in a bigger magaâs time capsule, leaving you eating Mai shayi because you are now dead brokeâŚYouâre a maga.    Â
- You do all her assignments and carry her books for her in school but she wonât even let you hold her hand or hang out with her friendsâŚYouâre an intellectual maga.         Â
- Her top –>Gucci. Her skirt–> Louis Vuitton. Her shoes –>Jimmy Choo. Her bag–> Prada. Her hair–>some nameless woman from India. Your bill –> 175k⌠Youâre a maga.    Â
- She straight-up asks you for money and when you say no, she drops her clothes to the floor and you go like âbaby, for you I will do anythingâ⌠Youâre a maga.    Â
- You give her 50k but canât even spare a lousy 2k for your friend whoâs down on his assâŚYouâre a maga
- You give her all you have in your pocket to take a cab and you end up walking home⌠Youâre a maga
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I can hear someone saying âbut sheâs my girlfriend and weâve been together for a whole year and she loves me!â Oh, okay, sorry. My bad. I was under the impression that she has a paying job or means of living and handles her own bills and doesnât need you to âconstantlyâ maintain her. See, naturally women love nice things and a good number of us who have good jobs believe that it is still a manâs duty to cater to our needs. Yeah, looks like weâre going back to that stone age of dependent women and trophy wives. Well, thatâs gist for another day.
So now youâre convinced you have been a stupid maga, how do we get rid of this gold-digging, man-eating, virus-like creature in your life? it is very simple, as simple as giving her the boot without turning back but in case you love this girl and you know she feels the same but has her priorities misplaced, then the following (not so nice) steps can help you. Brethren, be ye warned, she is so going to hate thee.
- A gold-diggerâs security is your means of living. As long as you have that job/ business that keeps the cash coming in, she will stick to you like a birthmark. So to start off, you can out of the blue, tell her you have been thinking about your life and you are seriously thinking of stopping to âsmell the rosesâ and that is why you want to change careers for a while and concentrate on your favorite hobbies like painting, music, photojournalism⌠Of course, youâre not serious about this but you have to act the part and seriously start showing signs that youâre ready for this change. If she is a gold-digger, she will bolt so fast, lightning will pale.
- When she asks for money, give her less. For example, she asks for 10k, give her 2k and tell her that times are hard and you are cutting down on expenses.
- If she asks you to take her out, tell her youâd rather sit in and watch Tinsel because you have been spending a lot of money lately. When you are sure her expression has turned sour, add that if she really wants to go out, she can pay the bills herself. Chances are she will sit in and tell what has been happening on Tinsel so far.
- When she asks for a new dress or shoes or one of those things we women ask for, tell her to choose between that and her birthday gift which would be a whole lot more. If she asks after her birthday, tell her to make a list for the next birthday.
- If you have been her go-to guy for freebies and other lend-a-hand offers apart from financial, stop those offers and next time she requires that she needs someone to fix her generator or drain, give her the number to a professional.
- Ask her for a loan. If she gives you, give her back and tell her you got it already from a friend. By so doing you know how much she can afford to give and how generous she can be If she refuses to give you the loan, tell her you always knew she was stingy and you were testing her.
- When she asks for money, refuse to give her but invite her to a charity event later on where you donate that same amount she asked for with a little more. If she brings your attention to this, look at her aghast and say âI canât believe youâre even talking like this. Have you no heart?â and watch her face drop. This particular move will either make her have a change of heart or show you how really selfish she is.
- Now for this last one which will make any gold-digger run for the hills. Go ahead, shock her to the bones. Begin to show signs that youâre really broke. Always never have enough money to pay the bills, ping and never call, deny yourself even the bare necessities, abandon luxuries like DSTV for months, visit her office/school/hang out joints on a bike by ditching your car and finally, tell her you will soon be moving to your friendâs place because you cannot pay the bills. Give a specific date for that and I assure you that she will be gone before that date is up.
On a concluding note, one thing that constantly gets magas is their pride. They donât know how to swallow it and these ladies are aware of this and therefore milk them like crazy. If you really want to ditch a gold-digger, you have to forget your self-image for a very short while and exorcise her entirely from your life. However, if you have somehow managed through your life and havenât yet encountered this specie of female (which means you’ve been living in Utopia), have no worries, she is easy to spot.
She wears the finest things and eats the finest meals in the finest restaurants but she has no future without your cash
No plans for tomorrow as if her father were Dangote and her mother, Oprah and she had a gold stash
She will always be eye-catching and make heads spin
She will also be unbelievable beneath the sheets
She might even talk about marriage and share your dreams but when you close your eyes to sleep
Sheâs wide awake, scheming, thinking of the next means
To plunge her gold-digging trowel into the mines of your hard work and sweat
And she wonât stop pillaging until nothing is left
Then like the mist she be gone
And now you be left with noneâŚ
Then she be pinging telling all her gals
Just sucked him dry…the stupid maga!
similar posts–> Test-the-Terone (5 men…)
Test-the-Terone (digging for…)
Wow,grt work Sally
Thank you, Faith
If this comes from a woman, then we (men) better heed the counsel. This is about the mores of men – their stupidity – and of women – their tantrums used in milking the stupid egomaniac phalus hangers.
Now i see that a griot (i hope u dont mind that title) is a deep- sitted counsellor. Thanx for helping us âtest d teronâ.
“egomaniac phalus hangers” that one got me rolling with laughter.
Thanks a lot, Chux
nice one dear…i hope guys get to read this o cos these girls rily min business even to married men….
I’m telling you. Thanks for stopping by
This is really Really rEally cool, babe you are on the Gold digger hit list. You just shot them in the heart, well done!
Yeah for the rest of the week, I’m wearing my bulletproof vest. Lol!
This is really Really rEally cool, babe you are on the Gold digger’s hit list. You just shot them in the heart, well done!
well in all my years of dating and meeting different women from all works of life, race and social status, i have concluded this: ” The concept of free vagina DOES NOT EXIST”! We (men) are all mugu’s at the end of the day….as much as i hate to admit, Beyonce was spot on when she said “girls run the world” not RULE but RUN! From the dedicated Husband to the lover boy, we all pay for it one way or the other. Big up Sally, nice article.
Thanks Terver. Interesting words. I actually thot some of u got away with it. Hmmmmm…guess I need a rethink
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Sal this is so funny,lmfao…..Naija clueless bad boys! So sad how they don’t know huh? that’s what happens when the third leg does all the thinking.
In this part of the globe wey I dey prech, same game different players…same results; can’t blame the barbies though, come on Sal…look at some of the celeb players. Heck a certain famous family of mom and 3 daughters have made forbes on the maga game. As you said levels dey abi? ( Stil I respect them o! wicked business sense and all)
I’m so loving this….
Thanks!
Reblogged this on Dottaraphels.
Lawd! This had me reeling over with laughter! Sally!!