To everyone who has lost a child, a pregnancy or had a stillborn, this is for you.
I can’t imagine the pain but I pray you heal. And find the will to smile someday. I remember a woman in my former church who put her baby down on her bed and went to the bathroom to have her bath. She returned to a dead baby and no possible explanation as to why it happened. It was a nightmare.
This was not written by me but by a mother, Jennie who lost her baby due to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Read more from her HERE
When you have seen a baby dead in a cot
It is hard to put another baby in one
When you have seen your daughter dead in her cot
It is hard to put another of your daughters in one
How am I to look in a cot at a sleeping Bea
And not see a dead Matilda Mae?
It is not the same cot
It is a different one
But I still cannot bear to use it
I cannot even think how to start
The last time I saw Tilda alive
I fed her to sleep
I laid her in her cot
And kissed her goodnight
The next time I saw her she was dead
Laying Bea down in a cot
Is not a small thing to do
It is not an easy thing to do
And I have no idea how to even begin
I have no clue what we should do
When Tilda died
I stored all her belongings in her cot
I used to sit beside it
For hours
Talking to her
Crying for her
Missing her
I could not bear for the cot to be taken down
Beside the cot was a light
The light I turned on
To see her when she died
When I found her
A light I could not bear to switch off
A light that shone
Until I was ready to be the one to turn it off
It took me 18 days
Until the day I tried and failed to say goodbye
I turned her light off on that day
It was 17 months before David and I slept in our room again
Tilda’s room
17 months sleeping on the lounge floor
There is still no cot in that room
A Snuzpod yes
A cot no
How can we have a cot in there again?
David has worked so hard to make our room a peaceful place to be
But it is still the room where our baby died
It is still the room where I found her
How can we have a cot again?
We do have a cot
It is Esther’s old cot
It cradled her safely for over three years
It could do the same for Bea
If I ever do more than stare at it
With Bea safe in my arms
In 10 days time
Bea will be 10 months old
Apart from snippets of naps
In the buggy or car
Some snatched sleep with Daddy
Rainbow Baby Bea
Sleeps in my arms
I eat one handed as her head rests on my left hand
I blog one handed
I do everything with my giant little baby
In my arms
And though it is good for my head and my heart
Holding her close
Feeling her breathe
Keeping her safe
It is ruining my back
It means I cannot do anything
While Bea is sleeping
Bea is not a dainty girl
She is a heavy baby
98th centile heavy
But she gives the greatest cuddles
And I cannot bear to put her down
I don’t know how to put my baby down
At the end of the night
She comes to bed with me
By body wraps round in a protective c
A natural position for Bea and me
The cot is in the lounge
The plan is for her to sleep there
In the evenings
With David and I close by
Watching the rise and fall of each breath
But I can’t do it
I don’t know how to do it
I don’t know how to put my baby down
So the cot remains empty
And Bea sleeps soundly in my arms
Beside the empty cot
This was culled from www.edspire.co.uk
So touching. I do not/cannot imagine myself or rather put myself in her shoes. Such a heart wrenching story. It is well.
what a sad thing to loose a child. well penned.
I feel for her, may God console & compensate everyone that has ever lost a life!
I feel for her, may God console & compensate everyone that has ever lost a live!
May God console and comfort those who’ve experienced this kind of loss! To those of us who have not, may we never experience it. Amen!